There was an error in this gadget

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Baby food is not so simple....for a daddy

One of the things Hot Mamma and I used to look forward to is Friday night Date Night!  We would go out to eat, usually Mexican, and then go grocery shopping and get our groceries for the week.  Now that Junior has arrived, our Friday night Date Night has become basically nonexistent, and I usually go to the grocery store while Hot Momma stays home and takes care of Junior.  The problem with this is Hot Mamma assumed I knew what I was doing in buying baby food!  Ok, those of you that don't know (I sure didn't) there are 1st foods, 2nd foods and 3rd foods.  I had no idea there was such a thing! Now I'm always looking for the cheaper way out and I happen to notice that in the baby food aisle there was basically the same food, but in bigger containers, and for the same price!  Heck, that's a no brainer....buy the one with the more food, for the same price, right? So....I never payed any attention to the little bitty teeny weeny "1st" or "2nd" foods on the corner of the box....I was paying attention to green beans, peaches, squash, etc. Yeah, I get home and got coached up on that......apparently it's a portion size/thickness thing.  Hot Mamma now knows that she needs to coach me up BEFORE I go to the grocery store....I do want to take a moment and fess up about one trip to the grocery store....Hot Mamma usually makes out the list and I go by that list....I get back from a trip and here's the conversation:  Hot Mamma, "Honey, where's the baby food?"  Me: "What baby food?"  HM: "You really didn't get any baby food?"  Me: "It wasn't on the list!?"  HM: "Honey, seriously, is that something I NEED to put on the list?"  Me: (knowing I had no out)  "Well, yeah....it wasn't on the list...."  Yeah...that happened....guess who went back to the grocery store?

Anyways, so if I thought getting Junior's food was an adventure, actually feeding him is when the real fun begins.  It's amazing how Junior will sometimes eat up his solid food and sometimes we get more on his face than in his mouth. We pretty much can't get him on an eating schedule, he'll eat great sometimes and sometimes he'll close them lips together so tight where you'd need the jaws of life to open his mouth up! HA! I love that little stinker though, even if he is a little frustrating on the eating part.

Side note here....I was telling my dad about going to the grocery store.  He didn't believe that I did actually go to the grocery store, so he says, "You're kidding me right?"  "Naw, dad, I go."  Dad: "I'm not sure I'd be telling anyone that!"  HA....he was also shocked that I was in the room during delivery.  How times have changed huh? 

Sometimes I think that Hot Mamma intentionally puts something funky on the list so I have to search and search and search for it (because you know I won't ask unless I've become exhausted in looking).  One night recently I was on the soup aisle looking for the lipton onion soup mix and it was NOWHERE to be found....I was starting to believe that Wal-Mart doesn't carry Lipton Onion soup mix!  So, I called Hot Mamma and asked, "Where is the Lipton onion soup mix?"   "On the soup aisle," she said.  Gee....thanks for that honey...I've only been walking up and down the soup aisle for 10 minutes looking for this!  So, a lady that was on the same aisle heard my conversation and was laughing at me and she also said it should be on this aisle....we both looked again with a fine toothed comb....no lipton onion soup mix....my solution, it ain't here!  10 minutes later, that same lady found me and took me back to it....guess what?  It was on the soup aisle.

Hot Mamma had Lysol on the list one night, and I swear it was sold out.  To this day she doesn't believe me on that one!

In addition to 1st, 2nd and 3rd foods....let me tell you about Gerber's "easy pour" system on their baby cereal boxes....HA....that couldn't be any further from the truth!  I mean, seeing a box that says, "easy pour" should give you the confidence that its actually easy to pour, right?  Yeah....not so much!  For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, this box has its own little pouring tab that you pull down at the top and side of the box.  So here's how it works....have you ever had a glass of iced tea and it's down to the last sip and you slam back your glass to get that last drink.....then all the ice falls and slams down on your face?  Yeah, the cereal box works the same way....you try to get the "easy pour" going and sometimes it will come on out easily, but other times half the box will decide to come on out all at once.  One tip....don't try to pour into a tablespoon measuring spoon, the cereal will go everywhere....literally, everywhere.  I've recently just had to wing it by pouring directly into the bowl....and due to the "easy pour" system, some of Junior's breakfasts and dinners are a little...shall I say, thicker than others.  I am wondering how the older boxes poured if they weren't "easy pour?"
I'm glad Hot Mamma does most of the mixing and pouring because Big Daddy has gotten close to throwing the "easy pour" box in the trash!

So, here's what we need....we need a baby cereal box that actually IS easy to friggin pour.  We also need a cell phone app that you can type what you are looking for in the grocery store and then, POOF...it tells you where it is!  I hear that new iphone 4GS has that new SIRI program that answers a lot of questions....maybe it will help us locate items in the grocery store one of these days?

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Now "hear" this!

Ait, here's the scenario....It's Friday and we are going to head outta town for a three-day weekend.  Junior had been a little lethargic Thursday and after picking him up from the babysitter early Friday before our trip I found out that he hadn't eaten ANYTHING the whole morning at the babysitters.  Then they told me that their kids sometimes would show no symptoms, but have a double ear infection and their ear drums were about to burst!  HA!  That's NOT what you tell a new parent!  What I heard was, "he ain't eatin' and he was not himself, and his ear drums are about to burst, you better go NOW to the Dr!" 

SO Big Daddy makes the executive decision to call the nurse at the Dr's office and long story short, she said, won't hurt to bring him in just in case, so I set an appt at 12:30.  Hot Mamma calls me on the way home from her job and I give her the scoop and say, Dr. Appt at 12:30....he's not dying....actually he shows no signs of anything wrong other than the babysitter said he's probably got a double ear infection and his ears are about to burst!  "Meet ya there," she said.

Ok, Big Daddy ain't no doctor, but I know that when Big Daddy ain't eatin', somethin' ain't right, so obviously I figured the same for Junior....like father like son...that's totally logical, right?  Look it up on WebMD, I'm sure it's there....

So, we got there and pretty much go right in, no temp, lungs sound good, weight is good, just not eating good....Dr. checks out them ears and.....nothing....she did actually clean out enough ear wax I think I coulda made a candle, but no infection  (that ear wax was absolutely NASSY btw)  Bleh!....The really great part (not) is the Doc was just as bubbly as she usually is, until she found out that Caleb was basically perfect with a little wax in his ears...and then we got the "so you're gonna be one of THOSE parents" look...I think the temperature actually got 10 degrees warmer in there instantly and I felt a neon light flashing on my forehead that said <insert alert alarm sound> "Overprotective Parent ALERT". 

When we go to check out, the clerk says, "Nothing wrong, that's good!"  But I could hear it in her voice and I leaned over to Hot Mamma and whispered, "We're labeled now, we're finished.....do we need to find another Dr?"  She did have the marital courtesy to wait until we got outside and said, "Honey, just talk to me before you set an appt with the Dr."  She didn't really say that, but I knew she wanted to!  HA  She actually said, "Well, better safe than sorry and we are going out of town."

So we spend the 3-day weekend with Hot Momma's family, and Junior is just as happy and as cute as can be.  Then Tuesday morning comes.  Junior is fussy, and I mean throwing a fit, fussy.  Hot Momma and I go through the checklist: dirty diaper...needs gas drops...hungry?  He eventually calms down and we figure he's just got his schedule messed up after the long weekend so we head off to work and take Junior to the babysitter for the morning.  Then the babysitter calls me about 11:00 and says, "Junior's got 102 fever and rising, come get him!"  This time I let Hot Mamma make the decision to call the doc (just in case ya know).  Turns out Junior had a double ear infection. 

This definitely made me feel better about going to the Doc on Friday...OBVIOUSLY Junior was GETTING sick, but not far enough along to get checked out as sick...you believe that, right?  I'm just thankful he's 6 months old (today actually) and he's only been sick once.  Happy 6 month Birthday, squirt!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

"Your Life will never be the same" Defined

Yeah, so when Hot Mamma was pregnant with Junior, I bet there was literally hundreds of people that said, "Your life will never be the same!"  BUT, they don't say how it's going to change....I am usually a very positive person so I totally took this as positive comment, however, I would like to share the reality of this statement with a few short stories and comments (of course none of this is negative, but some gets you shaky):

Your life will never be the same means...

1. Diaper changing (or avoiding them) becomes a full time job. 
So, what do you do when Junior hasn't pooped for a couple, three days?....first of all you get scared....by scared, Hot Mamma thinks something is wrong with the baby, and me, I'm thinking, I hope I don't have to change THAT diaper....So, as a preemptive strike, I came up with a game for me and Hot Mamma called Diaper Roulette!  It's simple...the person that is holding or playing with Junior at the time he poops, changes the diaper!  Brilliant eh?  I am quite proud of myself...not so much for the game, but because Hot Mamma agreed to it, (and I knew that the odds were she would have him during the poops more so than me....I'm gonna get back at her for all these cons she puts on me!  ;-).  Well, it took her losing the first 4 diaper roulette games and she got smart....then the superior con artist came out in her again when she brought Junior to me and said, "Here, go change his diaper while I change out the laundry."  So I take Junior, and booyah....poopy diaper....so I yelled out, "It's a poopy!"  and I hear Hot Mamma laughing....then she winks and says, "I know...."  HAHA  I love that woman....and she continually proves how much smarter she is than me....

2.  Schedule?  What schedule?
It doesn't matter what kinda schedule you have now...it ain't gonna be da same!  Yeah, Big Daddy here used to be a night owl and stay up until 12:00ish at night....now?  nah uh...8 o'clock rolls around and Big Daddy's lookin' for the pillows!  Yeah, I used to get up bout 7:45 since my office opens at 8:30....well now I'm up at 6:00-6:30.....I ask myself why do I go to bed 3-4 hours earlier when I only get up an hour and a half earlier?  Hot Mamma can answer that...."it's because it helps offset Mr. Grumpiness!"  Remember this soon to be parents...there is only 1 schedule and that's your baby's schedule!  Hot Mamma, who is a super "needs a schedule" person, read that Baby Wise book....well, it didn't work for us!  Her schedule is whatever schedule Junior wants. 

I've got a buddy who's wife is pregnant with twins and he is a huge basketball fan/player....I'm talking this dude plays more basketball than some people sleep I think (that's probably stretching it...a little) and he was telling me how he's still gonna play basketball in the mornings before work....I just died out laughing..."yeah right!"  I can't wait for him to find out for himself....sheesh, 1 baby is tough, and they gonna have TWO!  Praying for ya brotha!  ;-)

3.  Staying at home with a sick baby is harder than manual labor....
Stayed at home with Junior today until Hot Mamma got home from work at lunch....this ranks as one of the longest 5 hours I have ever gone through in my LIFE!  Junior was pitiful because he had a double ear infection and I'm happy that it's the only sickness he's had, but boy it wears you out!  First of all, that little stinker only napped a blazing fast 30 minutes (seemed like 2) and he didn't want to eat and he was just like his daddy and grumpy in the morning.  He was wanting to be held basically the whole time he was awake (4.5 hours) and my black t-shirt proves it....there was snot and slobber spots ALL over that shirt!  HA  Did I mention I was ready for bed at noon?

4. Emotional roller coaster!....one of the good rides ;-)
I've never gone from being so frustrated to forgetting why I was frustrated in the first place.  Junior will be acting like his Momma ;-) and being stubborn about eating, or sleeping and it will just get you to the point of wondering how day care workers can handle it....then Junior will just smile at you really big and poof..."why was I upset?"

5. What did you say?
You have no idea what you are saying anymore....by this I mean me and Hot Mamma will say some of the craziest things...."Will you go get the gas can?"  Meant to say, go get the gas drops.  My personal favorite is when my mom got me some athletic socks for Father's Day kinda as a gag gift.....thanks mom BTW....Well  they were an off brand and a little small so I said I was going to give them away because I was a "snock sob"....(yeah, that shoulda been "sock snob")  I wished I could remember some of the other things we've said...I do remember one while Hot Mamma was pregnant, but she made me swear to never repeat it!  ;-)

6.  The best part of my world not being the same...
There's nothing and I mean NOTHING better than when you've been gone all day and come home and Junior is so excited to see you he smiles his biggest smile, starts squealing and just goes into spasms of excitement....if I could bottle that feeling up and sell it, I would be a billionaire....drugs can't do that....alcohol can't do that....catching a huge fish or killing a trophy animal can't do that....so when people told me that I'll experience a love I've never imagined...I now know what they meant.

7. You have no time to write this blog.....
I have been shocked at how many people read this, and I'm glad you do!  Some have been fussing at me a bit wondering when I was gonna post again...I promise I'll get back to it regularly....I think....


To sum all this up, my world isn't the same, and I've had to make A LOT of adjustments, but they all been worth it because the change has totally been for the better!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Nursery Rhymes....what are they thinking?

I'm sure I had listened to nursery rhymes as a kid, and I know I've listened to them as an adult, but I SURE didn't think about paying attention to the words until we were blessed with Junior.  My question is...What in the world are we letting our kids listen to?!?!?  Obviously people didn't think POSITIVE nursery rhymes would be the ticket, so we got some negative and even graphic rhymes....are you kidding me?

Here are a few examples with commentary to prove my case:

London Bridge:

London Bridge is falling down,
Falling down, Falling down.
London Bridge is falling down,
My fair lady.
Take a key and lock her up,
Lock her up, Lock her up.
Take a key and lock her up,
My fair lady.

Ok, so not THAT bad, I don't guess, but why do we have to sing about a bridge falling down?  To the rhymes credit it goes on by building the bridge back, but what really gets me is the "take the key and lock her up" line here...I know we are all smart enough to know "her" is the bridge....or is it?  And do the kids know this rhyme means the bridge?  Or are they gonna lock mommy up somewhere one of these days?  Just sayin'...

Three Blind Mice:

Three blind mice, three blind mice,
See how they run, see how they run,
They all ran after the farmer's wife,
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife
,
Did you ever see such a thing in your life,
As three blind mice?


Wow!  Running after the farmers wife and cutting off tails....sounds like a good life lesson to me, eh?  Seems like we are teaching torcher methods to our kids....

This was a rhyme based on Queen Mary I, so called "Bloody Mary"...sexy eh?  Read about it here.

Humpty Dumpty:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses, And all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again

Now that's a serious fall!  I'm gonna avoid this one to avoid that question, "Daddy, if I fell off the wall, would you put me back together again?"  My reply today would be, "No son, but Obamacare will even if the wall  had a preexisting defect."

Rock a Bye Baby:

Rock a bye baby on the tree top,
When the wind blows the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.

Ok, really....lets try to put our kid to sleep by singing to him how his cradle is gonna fall outta the tree while he's sleeping...Come to find out, the injuns really used to do that to put the babies to sleep....HA, I thought the baby mile was tough, can you imagine climbing up in a tree and making sure that cradle was set just right?  And what did they do when there was no wind?.....read about it here.

Goosey Goosey Gander:

Goosey Goosey Gander where shall I wander,
Upstairs, downstairs and in my lady's chamber
There I met an old man who wouldn't say his prayers,
I took him by the left leg and threw him down the stairs.

So, we are teaching our child that if old men don't say their prayers we should take them by the left leg...not the right...and chunk em down the stairs?  Hot Mamma had the nursery rhyme CD going in the house one day and I walked by and heard, "take him by the leg leg and throw him down the stairs!"  I stopped and looked at her funny..."What did they just say?"  Hot Mamma, "I don't know" (pressing the back button)  After listening again, Hot Mamma, "Wow, maybe we need to skip that one."  Me, "Maybe we need to throw out this CD if its gonna teach Junior to chunk people down the stairs!"  HA

This rhyme came from the 16th century where Catholic priests would hide (wander), but if caught, they were executed.  Nice...Check that story out here.

Ring Around the Rosey:

Ring around the rosy
A pocketful of posies
"Ashes, Ashes"
We all fall down!

This one doesn't sound all that bad, but the ashes part got me wondering where this came from....yeah, it's about the plague....let's sing about the plague, doesn't that sound fun!  If interested, read the origination of this one here.

Jack and Jill:

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and lost his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.
Up got Jack, and home did trot
As fast as he could caper
He went to bed and bound his head
With vinegar and brown paper

Mostly sounds like bad luck, eh?  Then after research I found out the meaning of "losing his crown" meant the King got beheaded and then the Queen (Jill) right after...The History

In closing,some of the TOP nursery rhymes are talking about falling bridges, cutting off tails with a carving knife, falling off walls and not being able to be put back together again, falling outta the tree while sleepin', throwin' an old man down the stairs by his left (not right) leg because he didn't say his prayers, singing about the plague, and be-headings.  I mean, what more could a kid need to have to go to a psychiatrist?  I didn't even talk about the Old Lady and the Shoe....she had so many kids, she didn't know what to do, so she starved them and put them to bed.....I mean, pump me up! 
 
Whats YOUR favorite nursery rhyme? 
I bet most of you are going to check the history of your favorite rhyme on the site just to make sure it's cool.....It's ok...I did and those sites linked above has alot on there.
I think I'm gonna stick to my favorite....Jesus Loves Me....enjoy below!  ;-)

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

"There And Back Again, A Baby's Tale" Juniors first road trip

At 3 months old, Hot Mamma decides that Junior is up for a 5 hour road trip!  Doesn't this sound like fun?  Come to find out, she's just wanting to show him off at her mom's side family reunion...."besides, she said, we'll probably get the youngest person there prize!"  I'm thinking, yeah, that's a GREAT reason to drive 10 hours round trip!  Big Daddy is nervous and for you Lord of the Rings fans (who probably caught my cool and catchy title), thus starts "The Fellowship of the Baby."

Come to find out, Junior is a VERY good traveller....might as well call him Magellan!  ;-)  He slept 90% of the way and the other 10% he ate or was just awake and talking to Hot Mamma.  "The Two Stops" before our final destination was to see Granddaddy and Grandmother (Hot Mamma's parents) and then to visit Hot Mamma's friends....well, they're my friends too, by default right?  Everyone just loved on Junior so much he was in "Hog" Heaven (seemed like an appropriate remark since we were in Arkansas) 

Found out a couple of things on this trip.  One, Junior is absolutely able to sleep through anything, and I mean ANYTHING....until, he met his cousin.  His cousin is 3 years old and his expression of emotion, whether happy, mad, excited, whatever....is to squeal.  I'm talking the kinda squeal that makes you go...WOW!  The kinda squeal that is louder than the reverb on a microphone on the speaker system....the kinda squeal that will wake up junior who is sleeping in a meeting room full of people and make him start crying.  Yes, that happened....Junior is asleep at Hot Mamma's family reunion in a room full of people talking and on the OTHER side of the room, his cousin lets out his signature squeal and Junior pops them eyes open and starts crying....I'm telling ya, its unbelievable the decibel level this kid can achieve.  Good thing there were plastic cups around cuz I think glass ones wouldn't have a chance! 

"The Return of the Baby" was just as uneventful as the "Fellowship" and "Two Stops"...until we stopped at Wendy's about 50 minutes from home.  We walked inside and Hot Mamma had a bottle out and was feeding him at a table while I ordered.  I get the food and go sit across from Hot Mamma and as I took the first bite of my chicken sammich, I hear a short yet pronounced, "Kaaawhoom!"  Then I felt a little splatter on my leg.  Nope, I'm not kidding.....I looked at Junior and he's just as peaceful as can be and STILL eating....I look at Hot Mamma and her mouth is wide open and she immediately says, "Big Daddy, get a stack of napkins, this is bad....this is VERY bad!"  By the time I got back (literally seconds) there was a yellow stream of poop running down her leg into her shoe.  So I start to wiping and realizing I didn't get enough napkins.  I've talked about rating poops by the amount of wipes used....well there was no number amount I can place on this one, so lets just say it was an "investment" of wipes.  Lawd....I'm on my knees...under the table....at Wendy's....wiping poop off Hot Mamma....."Happy Anniversary Honey" I said...then I look over at a table where there were 3-4 older couples that had obviously just came from church watching me under the table.  I don't know what they were thinking, but the look on thier faces was telling me, "That boy needs Jesus!"  So I gave them a thumbs up and they looked away. 

After using an "investment" of Wendy's wipes, Hot Mamma takes Junior out to the car to change him.  I'm literally sitting at the table laughing out loud and already working on how I'm putting THIS story in the blog!  HA  The amazing thing is Hot Mamma comes back in and there is not a TRACE of poop on her clothes...unreal.  I have heard of projectile vometing before, but never projectile poopin'....matter fact, I'm coining a new term....since it literally sounded like a cannon, I'm calling it a cannon poop.  About fifteen minutes into the final stretch, I finally bring up the thought, "Honey, how far do you think that would have went if he didn't have a diaper AND a onezee on to slow it down?"

I'm ready for the next trip!

Did I mention I caught my first ever White Bass on this trip?  Stoked!

Monday, June 20, 2011

First Fathers Day!

Wow, I would have never thought how much it means to be a daddy on Father's Day!  Junior woke up 3 times last night so we didn't make it to our church so I could get my Hershey bar, but hey, Big Daddy didn't need it anyways....we did get to go to my dad's church though, which was his request for a Father's Day gift...thing is, he knew we'd bring Junior and truth be known, my pop probably didn't care so much me being there as Junior...but that's OK!  He's a proud Paw paw!

In light of it being fathers day, I thought it would be appropriate for me to give my top 5 reasons for being a daddy so far and top 5 ways to know there is a baby in the house...so here goes!

Top 5 being a daddy:

5.  I've got a good excuse for not doing the housework....playing golf, or going fishing were never good excuses, even though I used em, but now..."honey, I need to spend some time and play with the baby"  (Hot Mamma thinks that's sweet I want to spend time with him...well, until she reads this blog anyways... ;-)

4.  I have so much fun just watching him move around and change...it's amazing to watch him change almost daily!  My favorite thing is when he tooty toots.....several times in a row, and then gets this cheesy grin on his face...can't help but stick out my chest a little when he does that!  ;-)

3.  Having a conversation with him...I can sometimes just talk to him about anything and he'll coo and slurrr and gurgle back at me....sometimes for 10 minutes or more at a time....his favorite is when I tell him about the state record bass that I haven't caught yet...

2.  Playing with him....he is such a happy baby and loves to use his hands and feet (mostly feet) to play with his toy thingies.  That stinker can't crawl yet, but he is doing an awesome job just standing up. (We'll hold him up for support, but he will pretty much support himself with some ziggin' and some zaggin'.)  I'm predicting he'll skip crawling and go right into walking....hmmmm, maybe?

1.  Seeing him look up at me in the eyes and just start grinnin' from ear to ear....that's the best thing ever!  Big Daddy is a proud Poppa!

Top 5 ways to know a baby is in the house:

5.  There's stuffed animals or toys handy in EVERY room in the house. 

4.  My mom calls and asks, "How's my baby?"  And she ain't talking about me.  The first time she called and asked me that, I said, "I'm good, what you up to?"  She laughed and said, "You're not the baby anymore, and I'm glad your OK, but how's my new baby?"  HA

3.  Hot Mamma and I have discussions about which diaper cream smells the best?  Seriously....I'm talking in depth convo's.  "Hey Honey, this Boodreaux's Butt Paste sure does have a pleasing smell to it, do you like it better than the A&D or Desitin?"  My reply, "Boodreaux's has definitely got the coolest name, but I'm addicted to the A&D Ointment smell."

2.  Whenever you bump into something you hear electronic classical music going off.  I know that the classical music helps a baby's brain develop, but have they done any studies on what it does to the parents???  Junior will be asleep in the other room and Hot Mamma will hit one of them things a couple times accidentally...Me, with my police impersonation, "Ma'am, put your hands on your head and back away from the toy."

And the Number 1 reason  you know there is a baby in the house IS.....On a daily basis, me and Hot Mamma will talk about the quantity, color, and consistency of the baby's poop.  We have gotten to the point of whoever changes the diaper will hold up a certain amount of fingers representing how many wipes we used to clean the poopy diaper....so we rate how big the poop was by the number of wipes....1 wipe is a skid mark or small poop, 2 wipes is a goodun' and 3+ wipes is a all out blowout.  So far only once has Hot Mamma had to bathe him after a poop. 

One thing that is truly amazing to me is color.....If Hot Mamma drinks or eats anything purple (grape juice for example), and she's feeding him white milk, and he poops it out green....wrap that one around your noggin' and explain to me how that works?

When I told my dad (Paw paw) about the daily poop conversation, he laughed and said you will have the same conversation when you're 65 too....ahhhh the circle of life....you DO still have that Long Term Care policy, right dad?  One butt is enough to wipe....

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Babies R Us and Bass Pro Shop - A Tale of Two Stores

If you were wondering, shopping for baby stuff is NOT on the top of my list of things to do ANY day, much less a Saturday, but Hot Mamma promised me a trip to the Bass Pro, so I got conned.....yet again...

Now I normally don't like chastising any companies publicly, but why not....I've got 5 whole followers to this blog, so I'm sure I can make a difference!  ;-)  Hot Momma and I had been putting off getting an extra car seat base for my truck simply because we always go in Hot Mamma's ride...but we've been moving the base over to my truck a couple times recently so we decided to get it!  I researched online for the base and Babies R Us had one in stock, AND I found a 20% off coupon from Babies R Us that said, "For baby gear, including, car seats, bassinets, strollers, etc etc." Sweet! Hot Momma loves a good deal. So we go get our base (for the car seat) and take it up to the register and the clerk said, "Sir, I'm sorry, this coupon won't work for the base."  I looked at her funny and said, "Why not?"  She said, "It's not a baby gear item."  I said, "Car seats are specifically on the list."  Her response is great...ready?  "Sir, this is completely separate from a car seat and it's not a car seat."  Seriously?  I kinda stood there looking at her for a bit and I think I actually said, "Seriously?"  I know I did say, "Isn't this splitting hairs?"  I turned and looked behind us and there was 4 people standing in line so I opted out of, "get me a manager".  I wished I would have thought to ask, "So, if I go buy the car seat that has the base in the box, would I get 20% off?" I"m pretty sure that answer would have been yes! grrrrr  The knockout punch was when she gave us the receipt she also gave us...are you ready for this... a 20% off coupon for ANYTHING in the store good for the next week!!!  Seriously?

So that was the first stop on our Saturday excursion.  On Sunday, we went to visit one of Junior's new girlfriends...a cutie pie baby girl of some friends of ours.  We told them about our Babies R Us misadventure and I must say, this other momma had an even better story to tell.  She said,  "You know that 10% off coupon for all items remaining on your baby registry they send you?  Well, I went to pick up several things on the registry and went to check out and the clerk told me that I had to buy ALL of the remaining items on the registry to get the 10% off!"  HA!  I am starting to see how this company does business!  She then tells us she calls Babies R Us to complain and ask about it and they simply told her, "no you don't have to buy all to get the 10% off" but they didn't offer to remedy the fact that she bought the stuff and didn't get the discount!  Well, at least they're consistent. 

So, Big Daddy and Hot Mamma will NOT be buying anything from there....ever.

Next stop on our Saturday excursion was to my personal favorite, Bass Pro Shops!  Woohoo!  From hunting to fishing to clothes and even some camo lingerie....my kinda store!  ;-)  Hot Mamma and I had talked about getting a gun safe when we had Junior for obvious reasons and BPS had them on sale until Father's Day, so we decided to take advantage of it!  Got to the store and they had exactly the one we wanted in stock, the floor model and one more still boxed up, so I said, "we'll take it!"  Paid for it and drove around to the side to pick it up.  The sales guy meets me at the door and says, "hey man, I'm sorry, we didn't have the one in the stock room, do you want the floor model?"  I said, "sure".  It was in good shape from my brief memory of looking at it in the store.  I go to tell Hot Mamma and she immediately says, "floor model discount!"  HA!  I never even thought about that....She's definitely the brains of our family operation.

Here's the overwhelming difference between the Babies R Us and the Bass Pro service...They brought the floor model down and I asked the sales guy, "So, you gonna give me a floor discount on this one?  Looks like its get a few scratches."  The stock guy said, "I can call a manager down here for ya, you want me to do that?"  I said,"Sure".  Within minutes a manager was down there and I asked him about a floor discount and showed him the scratches and he said, "How bout 10%?"  Done!  Loaded it up and walked back inside and they put 10% back on the card.....maybe Babies R Us could get a few tips from the Bass Pro guys.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The "baby" mile

It really amazes me how Junior can be so peaceful and happy and in the blink of an eye, BAM, crying and fussy.  I mean, I have even seen a smile turn into an all out screaming cry before!  What in the world happened in .1 seconds that made him so fussy?  I wished I could remember what made me do that when I was a baby.  I definitely can't complain, however, because he's a GREAT kid!  His crying is almost always because of a few things....hungry, sleepy, dirty diaper, or gassy. 

I gotta tell you, he made me laugh out loud this morning, HA!  First thing this morning he started getting a little fussy and grunting a bit, so I scooped him up and got his bottle out to feed him.  I'm sitting with my legs crossed and have him laid on his back with his head on my knee.  He spit that bottle out telling me he didn't want it and just stared at me with this serious look on his face.  After a few seconds I hear this massive blowout of a toot/poop.  Perfect timing....a couple seconds later my boy just griiiiinnnns and kackles a bit!  BAAAHAHAHA  Awesome...THEN, he does it again!  He calms down...stares at me with a serious face and then...tooooot!!.....slight pause and a huge grin!  Gotta love starting the morning out that way!  HA!

Junior is now only 10 weeks old and has already started learning the power of manipulation.  When it's time for nap or bedtime, we'll go lay him down in his bed and he does what all baby's do...he'll cry because he wants us to hold him, or he's not ready for bed.  I'll go in there to try to calm him down, or put his passy in his mouth, sooth him, whatever and when I walk in the room and lean over the crib, that's when he works his magic!  As soon as I lean over to sooth him, he sees me and stops crying and immediately puts on that smile!  WOW, I'm thinking, this kid is impressive!  "Junior, I'm not gonna pick you up, no matter how much you smile at daddy."  He cooos...translation, "Yes you will".  So I put the passy in his mouth and walk back away, and the crying starts again....I go back in and lean over the crib, and yes, the crying stops and the smiles come back with a bigger cooo, translation, "Thanks for coming back daddy...now pick me up and walk me."  Me, "Junior...you're not gonna get me to pick you up, its bedtime...go to sleep."  I walk away again and a few minutes later, the crying starts yet again.  I walk in there the third time and this time when I lean over the bed he doesn't stop crying and he's staring me in the face with a furrowed brow and a look that translates into, "Why haven't you picked me up, you are so mean to me and I can't trust you!"  Me...yep, I pick him up and instantly he stops crying and gives out one last stabbing cooo....translation, "Finally!  What's a kid gotta do to go to sleep the way I WANT TO!" 

So, now starts the "baby" mile...you see, Hot Mamma can rock him to sleep, but Big Daddy can't, I've got to walk him to get him to stop fussing.  So, those of you familiar with my house....I've got a track.  Starting at the kitchen bar, pass the lamp in the living room, around the couch, into the dining room, back into the kitchen and around the bar....one lap.  I've got the Nike + thingy that you pair with your ipod that calculates time and distance for walkers and runners, so I have calculated that 4.5 laps equals .01 miles which means, if accurate, approximately 450 laps is one mile.  Obviously it doesn't take a "mile" to get him to fall asleep, but I have no doubts that I have walked a couple of miles already...and I'm guessing that little stinker will get me to walk him some more "baby" miles in the future.  It's not so bad...at least he stops crying and goes to sleep that way, and I get a little exercise....win win right?

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

2 month shots

Took Junior in yesterday for his 2 month shots...just so happened to be on Hot Mamma's birthday and she sure wasn't happy about that!  Happy Birthday Hot Mamma!  ;-)

Let me tell ya...we were NOT looking forward to Junior getting his shots, even though we know that its definitely in his best interest.  The even better thing is Hot Mamma is back in school to finish up the school year and that leaves Big Daddy (muah) to take the kiddo to get his first shots!  Thanks Hot Mamma!  HA

I have to admit, the doctor was pleased with his growing and was 90 percentile on height and weight and 50 percentile on his head size.  Not bad for a 2 month old!  He was just as happy and smiling and cooing pretty much the whole time he was in there....then walks in the nurse with the THREE different shots...count them again...THREE!  Geeze, I mean they should really come up with some MORE shots to give baby's....

BTW...congrats to the Seal team for finally getting Osama Bin Laden....the world is less one major terrorist...(my way of putting history in the blog)

So, Junior is still all happy until the nurse pins down his legs...he didn't like that and started fussing...then she started in on the shots, and Junior looked up at me (with the face of why are you letting her do this to me daddy) and started screaming!  After a extremely long 20 seconds, she was done with the shots and I picked Junior up and loved on him some and he almost stopped crying instantly....2 minutes later as we were walking out he was asleep in my arms...HA.  I gotta admit, I'm proud of my little man for taking them shots like a man!  ;-)

I can see where parents get defensive of their kids when things aren't going the kids way.  I knew the shots are a necessity, but when he looked up at me with that face, the first thing that came to mind was...ok, I can smack this nurse...but reality came back to me quickly.  Ultimately, I love that kid, and he's already made me proud...at 2 months old...maybe I can learn from my own kid and take things like a man!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

What I think about snaps

Here's to you Mr. "lets put snaps the size of a nerd candy on baby clothes maker"  Since velcro wasn't good enough, you decided to invent a "simpler" way to put on baby clothes.  Thanks to your ingenious invention, new mommy's all over the world are watching and giggling as the new daddy who's never changed a diaper, struggle to unsnap and resnap these snappadiculous buttons.  So punch open a nice cold capri-sun, have a baby, and see how you like unsnapping and snapping these buttons at 4 am. Mr. "lets put snaps the size of a nerd candy on baby clothes maker."

For REAL, I stand by my statement...GOWNS (without snaps) are THE way to go.  Hot Mamma put Junior in one of these pajamas the other night...12 snaps...TWELVE snaps!  So at 4 am, I'm up changing the diaper the second time for the night in these snapdiculous pajamas.  I'm basically getting so frustrated and durn near starting to curse Mr. snap maker mentioned above.  I look over at Hot Mamma in the bed and she's not making a sound, but I see her shaking a little, trying to constrain her laughter, so I said, "Honey, really?  12 snaps?".  She said, "Well you don't have to unsnap them all to change the diaper."  Me, "Honey, you are RIGHT!  I only have to unsnap 8, then snap them all back, so thats 16 snapadiculous buttons...back to gowns!"

Now I gotta tell you about what my mom would do to me when I was a teen for this next conversation to make sense.  I had this hat that I bought and wore everywhere...everyday...I mean, LOVED this hat!  Yall know what I mean right guys?  Anyways, the hat was beginning to get a little grungy, I admit, but still to this day, it was the best fitting hat I have ever owned.  So one day, I go to put on my hat...can't find it..."Hey mom, wheres my hat?"  "What hat?", she says.  "Oh, I dunno mom, maybe the one I wear EVERYDAY?"  "Haven't seen it," she says.  Come to find out later in life, mom decided she didn't like that hat anymore and tossed it...along with various other hats and t-shirts in my teen years....

Ok, back to current time....several days after the snap conversation.  Hot Mamma, "Hey Honey, where is Juniors cute pajamas with the animals?"  Me, "What pajamas?"  Hot Mamma, "You know, the ones that have the snaps on it?  Me, "Ohhhhh yeah...Haven't seen em."

Saturday, April 16, 2011

What I've learned in the 1st month....

Absolutely NOTHING!....because I ain't got no sleep!  ;-)

Ok, even though that's not really that true...I have found out that waking up every 3 hours makes me cranky and it feels like you have just dozed off and "waaaaaa" there's that whimper for food that's "sooo cute".  By the way...it's NOT cute at 3 am! HA  I find myself mostly unconscious and wondering how I even managed to change a diaper.

First off, thanks to my Aunt Jo for sending me the "pee pee teepees"....oh yes, this is a real thing!  I think this is proof that someone is actually reading my blog....so, if that's the case, we are running out of diapers and we prefer the huggies!  ;-)  Back to the pee pee teepee (pic below)...This is one cool product!  The package comes with 4 of these teepees with a carrying case....seriously a carrying case...PLUS...instructions (I guess this is just in case you don't know how to use them?)  Here's the instructions...word for word...."Hold feet with one hand so legs are at a 90 degree angle and place pee-pee teepee on wee wee during diaper changes."  Brilliant...just brilliant! Works great by the way...other than my mom claims he shot it off one time (I know...impressive for a 1 month old right?), and it doesn't collect the peepee, just blocks it from going everywhere so it runs down his legs instead of hitting the wall....however, I give it a 8 outta 10 for pure coolness.


Speaking of the diaper changes, I have learned that going ahead and putting some of that ointment on the diaper before you put it on, REALLY saves some time.  I'm all about saving time when changing diapers!

Another thing I've learned is that I shoulda been in the baby picture taking business....Oh my gosh!  Hot Mamma, who is usually the frugal person of the 2 of us, is going "hog" wild with pictures! (Only our Arkansas friends will get that...well maybe everyone else now).  So...Junior has now had 3 professional photographers take pics of him.....IN A MONTH! There were the hospital pics, the newborn pics a few days later, which included Hot Momma and me, and then the 1 month pics.  Ok....let me qualify this a little better...we've had these pics taken, but haven't spent a lot on them <wiping off sweat from brow>  I gotta admit...Junior can definitely take some cute pics, and since Hot Mamma isn't breaking the bank, I'm cool with it.....I just don't understand this one thing...We've got a professional photographer package for the QUARTERLY pics until he's a year, AND we've got hooked up with JCP for MONTHLY pics...Hot Mamma told me this is VERY important to fill up the one year picture frame.  This is one of those times I just nod and say, "Yes, honey." 
I hear parents talking about how busy they are with soccer,baseball, football, music lessons, etc....I thought I was clear of that until he's at least 5 years old....NOPE....all our time is going to the picture sessions. <sigh>

I knew I was going to go down a notch on the totem pole, but I found out last night that I have obviously slid to the bottom!  Ok, first, I've got to properly set this up...In the baby's room is his bed and a queen sized bed.  We've been sleeping in the queen since it's just easier at this stage of the game.  We've got this queen bed shoved in a corner of the room where one person has a wall next to them. (anyone having dorm room flashbacks yet?)  So, since Hot Mamma gets up to nurse, she sleeps on the side where there is no wall.  I woke up about 5 a.m. last night laying on my side and facing the wall....about 2 inches from it, and Hot Mamma was right up against me literally pushing me closer to the wall!  Here was the conversation....Me, "Honey, I can smell paint I'm so close to the wall, can you move over?"  Hot Mamma, "No, Junior is in the bed and I'm too tired to get up and put him back in his bed."  Me, "Seriously?  Well then I'm gonna go get in our bed."  Hot Mamma, "Ok."  Me, "Well, maybe later, I'm too tired.....zzzzzzz"  The great thing about being on the wall side of the bed is...at least I can't get pushed off!  Junior had been a little fussy after the 3 a.m. feeding and he and Hot Mamma had fallen asleep on the queen bed.

It has been amazing me that Junior can be in such awkward positions and have his head bent all funky and have his arms twisted around and under him and be passed out asleep....I'll accidentally wake him up by moving his head or arms and doing what I thought would make him comfortable and he'll get all fussy...geeze, what do I know?  What I do know is about 1 month ago I had to get in my comfortable position to be able to go to sleep...now, it doesn't matter how comfortable or uncomfortable I am, I'm just gonna get some sleep!

Tomorrow, baby dedication pictures at church!  HAHAHA   More pictures....I'm so happy Hot Mamma hasn't picked up on taking pics of all his "firsts"  Can you say external hard drive? 


Monday, March 28, 2011

what is this baby REALLY thinking?

Man, I've got to tell ya, this baby thing is so much fun so far!  We had the 2 week checkup today and everything looks great!  I have to say, he did put a little "pressure" on the doctor when she was examining him....Junior was getting checked out and whizzzzzzz, there he goes again....peeing on the doctor, I swear, this kid pees on everyone he sees!  The funny part is she caught it really fast and kept the pee from getting on everything, but once she got out a new diaper, Junior had reloaded!  HA...got her that second time big time!  Doctor, "You little stinker, you weren't finished were you?"  I envisioned him responding, "You ain't seen nothing yet....wait until I get a little gas in my system.(insert Dracula laugh)"

What really gets to me, is I can almost feel it, when he's about to pee on me...ya see my rule of thumb is this, when he's all fussy and crying and kickin'...no problem, 90% chance, he's not in a peein' mood at the moment.  However, if Junior is laying there all calm and staring at me....I better keep my guard up, because it's a 90% chance I'm about to get showered!  A couple days ago I was changing his diaper and found that little circumcision ring had fallen off, so I walked over a few feet and gave it to hot mamma to show her...next thing I know I hear the sound of pitter pattering rain hitting the walmart sack in the garbage can beside the changing table!  I'm talking this kid, who is currently not mine, but hot mamma's, was peeing so big it ended up almost 3 feet up the wall beside the changing table and was running down the wall like Niagara Falls!  Seriously?  I'm talking I had to use wipes on the table, the wall, both shelves and I was even using the wet wipes to wipe off the wet wipes box!  I finished cleaning him up and gave him back to hot mamma to nurse and he ripped about manly fart.....there ya go!  I'm claiming him again.... ;-)

So what do you think these babies are thinking anyways?  I know Junior can't talk, but he's got to be thinking something right?  Here's what I think he's thinking at times.

I told you about keeping my guard up when Junior is laying there all calm ready for me to change his diaper.  So there he is, hands behind his head, staring at me with his eyes with that cute little breathing.  (Junior) "So....I know what you are thinkin'...how long ago WAS it that I peed last....was it 5 minutes ago, or an hour....the question is daddy...do you feel....lucky?" 

I also had a friend of mine last post ask me if we repeat the things we say to Junior....and of course that answer is yes!  Now I catch myself repeating some things and just start laughing! HA  So, I can imagine that Junior is probably thinking, "Uhhhh daddy...I hate to say this, but...you sound like a broken record, and uhhh, you have told me this about a thousand times....either take your meds or stop telling me 'I'm cute!'"

Why is it that babies don't like it when you change their diaper or change their clothes?  It amazes me that they can sleep through just about anything, but you change clothes or a diaper and BAM, instant crying or kicking or both!  Junior, "Seriously mommy!  Can you please just pick ONE friggin' onezy for me to wear for a day....nooo not that one...cuz, I'm too sexy for this onezy, too sexy for this onezy, sooo sexy it huuuuurts."

Hot Mamma and I have so much fun playing with Junior and sometimes we've got to mess with him to keep him awake to eat.  Hot Mamma, "Ok Junior, you better wake up...yeah, you better wake up!"  Notice the repetitiveness?  ;-)  Junior, "Yeah yeah, I hear ya...what you gonna do about it, and what's a baby gotta do to get some sleep around here?"  Hot Mamma, "Daddy's fixin' to go get a wet rag if you don't wake up and eeeeeaatttt!"  As I bring back the cold wet rag, I can look into Junior's eyes cutting over to me and I can read his eyes, "You got that rag huh daddy, who's side are you on??....that's ok, you'll be changing my diaper in a minute, I got the wall last couple times, but my aim is getting better!"

On a side note here guys...those of you that haven't had a baby or not a boy, listen up.  They have these gowns that they can wear and I was a little bothered about Junior wearing one of these since he is a MAN...well let me tell you something....when you are getting up at 2 and 5 in the morning to change a diaper, let me tell ya, them gowns are SUPER nice because all you have to do is pull that thing up to their belly and bam! there's your diaper.  That opposed to un-buttoning a onezy (which is not bad) or taking off a pair of pants or jammies....I'm telling ya, the gown is the WAY TO GO! 

More stories and baby thoughts to come.....

Monday, March 21, 2011

Having a baby changes your thinking...ALOT

Well, looks like Jr is a week old!  Seems like a day...wooooosh!  I'm glad to report that Jr is doing great with the Jaundice that he has....he had gone up really fast in the levels and if it had gotten in the mid 20's they would have admitted him to the hospital...upper 20's and lower 30's means possible brain damage...and with a jump from 14.5 to 19.5 in one day, we were a little nervous!  Thanks for your prayers, he is now off the biliblanket (phototherapy) and the levels are going down and was at 14.8 last Sunday...YAY!  I do have to report that Jr. is 2 for 3 in peeing on the nurses at his checkups....unreal...can't take this kid anywhere, must be the Arkansas in him!  ;-)

Hot Mama reminded me I forgot to tell yall about the security anklet Jr was wearing at the hospital....I wasn't even there, but non the less, I caused a lock down at the postpartum wing!  Ya see, Jr had this little anklet thingy on him and I just assumed it was some type of baby medicine of something, if Hot Mama didn't ask about it, it should be ok, right?  Anyways, after one diaper change and putting on one of his gowns, I knocked that thing down some.  I meant to put it back, I really did, but I forgot (I'm calling sleep deprivation)!  I headed out of the wing to go get some supper one night and found out when I got back that the anklet had lost the skin contact and completely shut down the WHOLE wing....I'm talking silent alarms went off, the exit doors LOCKED into place and it even shut down the friggin' elevators!  And I missed it!  Oh well, that place needed some action anyways...I don't understand why people were so tired in that wing?  ;-)

So far after a week of being a daddy, there's really not much to it...holding the baby, (check)...changing 400 diapers a day...it's amazing how fast you can get good at this(check check) however, the getting up multiple times at night...now that really can get to ya.  Getting up at midnight....eh, not too bad....up at 3:00 am...still not bad, but the cranky level is going up...probably up to a 3 outta 10, but when you wake up at 6:00 am and you usually don't get outta bed until 7:15 am...cranky meter goes up to dangerously high! 

Geeze...its amazing what your mind does to you without sleep...just last night Jr started crying and woke me up from a dream where I was going to get him and take him to Hot Mama....well, in my dream I had already picked him up, but when I woke up, I didn't have him (obviously).  Hot Mama asked me to get him for her and I kept saying, here he is, and was handing him to her...I felt really bad because cranky level was high and I was being persistent that I had already given him to her (he was laying in the bed)  Uh oh...Now I can't even tell whats a dream and whats reality....good thing there's a good mental facility close by!

Oh...my...goodness, this boy can poot!  I'm talkin' man farts baby!  It's so bad Hot Mama asked me one time, was that you or Jr?  Can't help but be proud of him if he's only a week old and Mama can't even tell the difference between a daddy toot and son toot...Hehe....I'm so using this as long as I can....(Hot Mama, "Pwew!  Did you stink it up Honey?"  Me, "Nah, that was the baby!"  ;-)  I'm telling ya, if you are around him for a few minutes, he's gonna toot....and if you hold him, there's a 80% chance you gonna get tooted on....you've been forewarned!

Hot Mama was crying today (just in happiness) and I said, "Are you crying?"  "Yeahhhh"  I say, "What for?"  She shrugs her shoulders....so I say, "Ok baby, I've been told to watch out if your wife starts crying for no reason....is the sky getting too blue?"  We both bust out laughing....

What I don't get is EVERYTHING that this kid does, and EVERYTHING about him, is "sooo sweet" or "sooo cute", or even "soooo precious."  I don't get it!  Both the nurses he peed on..."He's just sooo sweet.."  Seriously?  You just got peed on, and you are calling the kiddo, "sweet?"  I bet if you knew what Jr was thinking, it would be something like, "hehehe my aim is getting better by the day, before long, I'll be able to get ya in my sleep!"  "Look at those little pimples, they're soooo cute!"  "Whooops, I heard that toot!  You are so cute"  Isn't it funny how baby's seem like they could get away with murder, and we all think, "He's so precious".  Pooping, farting, sneezing, funny noises, crying, waking up in the middle of the night, burping, zits on the face, and we all think it's cute or precious or sweet.  LoL!  I mean, I gotta admit, I think the same thing too about my baby who is the cutest baby EVER, but it did get me to thinking....What if I was around someone older?  I don't ever remember saying "That's so cute" when someone burped out loud in a restaurant....or "That's sooo sweet" when someone that was sick in my office sneezed all over my desk.  Well, I guess it's really always pretty funny when someone farts out loud and didn't mean to, but we still don't think its cute!  HA

Where is the dividing line in our judgement of others that we go from cute to profiling someone?  Is it a certain age?  We all do it...we look at certain people, it certain conditions and BAM, we automatically put them in a certain category.  Is that the right thing to do? (I am condemning myself here, because I do it all the time even though I know I shouldn't)  And here I am with a baby and my eyes are opening in alot of ways.  How can I think one way about a person, when I have no idea who they are?  At what point do we change from automatically thinking, that kid or person is so cute, to....that kid or person is up to no good, I can just tell because he's wearing "x".  Obviously there is good and bad in the world, but I'm going to try to stop judging by appearance or by what I just think about someone, because the reality is, we really don't know the whole story.  John 7:24 says,"Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly."  Matthew 7:1, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged."

Another thing that has really hit me HARD lately is the fact that I am overweight.  I've always been athletic and have gotten away with being a bigger person, but once you have that baby, I've been thinking to myself, "I want to be able to go and do what my son will be doing in the next however many years"  I want to be able to play with him and not get tired!  I want to be able to be active in his life and be there with him!  The only way that can happen is to start putting him ahead of my eating habits, and that's what I'm going to do!  Playing baseball in college had completely ruined me from running and I had vowed to not do near as much of it as I had in college....but I am retracting that vow, and am now dedicated to doing what it takes to get back in shape! 

From this day on, I am hoping and praying that I will always treat everyone the same, no matter who they are, or what they look like, or what they are doing.  Plus, I'm going to do ALOT better job of watching what I eat and get my booty back in shape.  The better health I am in, the better I am going to enjoy being a daddy, right?  I'm sure I'll have more epiphany's the longer I'm a daddy, so I guess I'll just vow to try and solve the worlds and my problems, one diaper at a time.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

I'm a daddy!

Daddy's Log Stardate 03.14.2011 13:37 hours

After a short 5.5 hours of labor, Hot Mama delivers the best looking baby I've ever seen in my life!  Of course he is, because he's ours!  Seriously though, he's a good looking kid.  At 9 pounds and 5 ounces, Junior cannot be compared to any of the "Fruits of the baby" fruits in my previous post, but since they stopped at a baby weighing around 8 pounds, I think I'll make up my own fruit, and I pick a Smith County Watermelon!  Man, summer can't get here fast enough for one of them!

There aren't many babies born 3 months old out of the womb, and I'm totally proud of Hot Mama and the job she did!  The Doctor told us a few seconds after he was born, "This baby is gonna be reading by tomorrow!"  HA! 

I was totally nervous about experiencing the whole labor and delivery thing, but I have to tell ya, it was one of the most increadible things I have ever witnessed and something I'll never forget!  That baby came out my favorite color...purple!  How cool is that?  Maybe thats why kids like Barney so much?  I had the honors of cutting the umbilical cord!  Let me tell ya, that thing is stout!  It took me 3 cuts to get that thing fully cut!  I wished I had some line that strong when I go fishin!  After cutting the cord, they put Junior under the heater and on the tray and he went from purple to normal in a matter of minutes...it was unbelieveable!  Standing there looking at something that God created through me and Hot Mama (mostly His and her work!) I was just speachless...all I could do is say, "Heyyyy"...."Heyyyy"  After a few more minutes, I had him holding onto my finger and opening up his eyes for the first time and seeing me for the first time...my face started hurting from smiling so big!  Junior checked out to be in the 90% percentile or better as far as size measurments.  (length, 22 inches, weight 9 lbs 5 oz and head size, I don't recall what this was)

Later that afternoon we move over to the post pardom room and anxiously await to see our new creation again!  (He was getting checked out by the nursery)  After we saw Junior for the first time, we all 3 hung out together for about an hour, then they took him away for about 4 hours!  Not fun!  Junior was now all wrapped up and swaddled and cuter than earlier!  Man...if this kid keeps this up, he's gonna be a looker!  Look out ladies!   :-) 

Later that night, Junior and I had the most increadible experience!  I was sitting down and holding him and we just stared at each other for about an hour....I could literally see my reflection in his eyes...I cried some, grinned even more, and started telling him about the fishing trips we were going to be going on.  He's totally psyched about catching his first bass....he told me....right after he said "da da" (all within 1 day old)  The kid's pretty smart!  ;-)  How can you not feel God's love when you are staring at God's creation through you?  I had no idea that I could love Hot Mama any more than I did, until that moment.  Junior is now a bond that we'll always have and always share and noone can take that from us!

The one thing that I didn't really have sunk in was the fact that he's gonna want to wake up every 2-3 hours to eat and have a diaper change!  There is no waiting for that to happen!  I mean it's have a baby, then boom! cry, eat, potty, sleep, cry, eat, potty, sleep....Oh my gosh, the first poopy diaper...

So this is how it went down....Junior has been very very gassy since we have had him and feeding him and we'd hear that boy poot and poot and poot, and I'm talking if you had your arm or hand around his booty while he pooted, you felt it and it felt like poop....but it wasn't!  So, about 3:45 am....a little over 12 hours old....Junior had just been put back down to sleep after a nursing and Hot Mama and I were basically asleep and I hear a sound that sounded like a small cannon going off in the distance....I'm talking it was a noise that scared me and made me totally dread checking him out.  After my delirious mind thought, "My gosh, that's got to be a poop," Hot Mama said, "I think that's gonna be the first poop!"  So, I get back up, check that diaper and WOW, the first thing that I felt was pride that my son could have a poop like that, but then I remembered, the first diaper change honor was given to me.  (I think I got conned into this too....that Hot Mama is sneaky sneaky!)  ;-)  The great thing was, the first poop didn't stink at all!  Can I hear a Halleluiah!?  No stink, but major nasty, and a total blowout....what a way to be introduced into diaper changing!

So, I do all the stuff and wipe Junior down and am wiping him down with the wipes and whizzzzzzzzzzz!!!!  Are you kidding me!?  I'm getting peed on with the first diaper?!?!?  uuugghhhhh!  Unbelievable!  Not only did he pee all over the changing table(not me), the pee stunk so bad I about gagged!  I had to get my shirt and pull it up over my nose!  Hot Mama is over in her bed dying out laughing at me and I'm hoping to not be the first daddy to ever have pass out from the smell of pee!  Isn't that weird?  Poop didn't stink, but the pee bout knocked me out....literally!  So...I get him wiped off again, settled and good to go!

The next day, I'm changing my second diaper and guess what?  I'm definitely not fast enough for this peeing thing...Junior is 2 for 2!  Luckily it didn't come up on me....diaper #3, he did it AGAIN!  Ok...so what in the world is going on here?  Hot Mama is laughing and I'm wondering why he's only peeing while the diaper is off?  Hot Mama's sister has been down to help (She's had 2 recent babies of her own and been a tremendous help by the way) and she finally tells me a trick.  "When you pull back the diaper, blow on him...doing that stimulates him to maybe pee again."  She told me, "When you wipe him down with those cold wipes, thats whats makeing him pee again!"  Ahhhhhh, I see, said the less than a 2 day daddy!  So, I get the 3rd diaper change and blow twice for good measure and wait a few seconds and start changing him....get the wipes out and BAM, 3 for friggin 3!  This time there was some pressure built up and I had to put my hand up to block it so it wouldn't go on our table!  I gotta admit, I was impressed with the pressure of a 1 day old...but this blow on him thing didn't work!  I finally got a diaper change without pee going everywhere....you gotta be quick on them boys!

2nd night and the waking up thing is getting to me....I'm dragging, and I wake up the next morning with my face stuck to the pillow because of my slobber....I was friggin tired! 

In being a daddy for 2 WHOLE days now, I think my experience is definitely not green anymore, a few times yellow, and I'm sure I've got many things to learn....what I do know is, I'm so excited to be a daddy and learn about Junior and see him smile and play with him and I hope I get in a few more times of staring at each other before he gets too old to do that.  Looking at your child eyes and having him stare back at you is a completely humbling blessing from God that everyone deserves to have. 

Hot Mama is doing great and recovering well and Junior is doing great as well.  He's a little Jaundice, which means he's a little yellow and the liver is having a little trouble catching up and doing its job of converting something I think....so we are having to put a biliblanket on him to help catch up the liver. It's a pad that has some type of light that helps the liver process the way it's supposed to and get out all that bad stuff.  Junior looks like a little glo-worm with that thing in his gown or onezy. Jaundice is common in babies, but Junior sure doesn't like laying on that pad...he just can't get comfortable on it and this is when I realized that my compassion and love for my kid was volcanic....I wanted to lay on that thing for him, but I couldn't, and that really bothered me.  So I held him and let that pad lay on his back and he seemed to be much better with it that way. 

I love Hot Mama, but I'm definitely in love with my boy too.  Maybe I'll give Hot Mama some slack for "conning" me into having this baby ;-)...and maybe I really was conned after all...life is great and all these comments of "your life will never be that same" make me want to say, "bring it on!"  ;-)

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Anxiety sets in

After the monthly countdown, came the weekly, then daily, then hourly, and holy schmoly....imminent! 

I can't help but wonder where the last 9 months went....I really can't think of a time I was really seriously thinking I was having a baby, but now that we're at the hospital, checked in, nurses checking up on Hot Mama, I am really starting to realize...this is happening, like...tomorrow!  The best way to describe this is going to a store and picking out something you really want, and putting it on layaway...You kinda know that you are going to have it, but you have to wait for a while before you get it, and you basically let it slip your mind and then BOOM, here it is!  Really the only difference is it's like a present and you really don't know anything about him till he pops out!  So, after 9 months of layaway, here I am, ready to open my present!

After all the Doctors and nurses have come in and done their thing, the only light I see is a monitor with the baby's heart rate and Hot Mama's contractions.  Earlier she was having them once every 4 minutes or so, but now that she's asleep, they've pretty much gone away.  Anxiety has never really had much of a meaning until now!  What in the world have I been thinking about all this time?  Not about the baby!  But now, the immenence has gotten me to thinking about everything!  Is he going to look like me, or Hot Mama? (lets all hope more like Hot Mama)  I wonder how tall he's going to be?  Brown eyes or blue?  Is he going to want to fish with daddy?  Will he be smart?  I hope he doesn't have really big, big toes like me...for real, my big toes are the biggest ugliest thing you ever saw...If it wasn't for my big toe, I bet my shoe size would go down 2 sizes....Will he be an outdoorsman?  Is he going to be an athlete?  What about being a Doctor, or a CEO of a big company?  Only time will tell on these things, but to tell you the truth, the one and only thing I hope and pray for is he gets his salvation and grows to know Jesus and our Lord God.  None of that other stuff really matters to me because I know I'll love him no matter what!  It won't matter to me if he likes sports, or fishing, or what color eyes he has, or if he is a successful person, and if he does things wrong...well it's obvious, he took after Hot Mama!   ;-)  Oh cool the monitor just showed another contraction....

I have to tell ya, this I.V. thingy sure does make some loud clicking noises!  Hot Mama just woke up and said, "You've got to get that thing to stop!"  I thought about chunking it up against the wall, but that probably wouldn't help, eh?  Did I mention that everyone warned me about this bed...but it's worse than I imagined!  First off, I don't think this thing should be considered a bed, more like...maybe a piece of plywood with metal rods going across at my shoulders and bootay!  Geeze!  Wait....I'm not complaining, Hot Mama is about to go through some serious pain, and I'm complaining about the bed...and thank God for some great nurses!  One of them brought me in some extra pillows and an egg crate, so its better...more like a piece of plywood with metal rods going across at my shoulders and boootay, with a small piece of egg crate on top...sounds ALOT better eh? HA!  Oh my gosh, I took a shower earlier so I wouldn't have to tomorrow early before its nitty gritty time (Nurse starts doing some thangs at 5:30 and the Doctor is coming in at 7:00).  The dang shower head had the hose where you could move it around, but the piece where you could hang it on the wall was broken!  HAHA...No problem, still took a shower, but then I picked up the towel to dry off and...ohh...my....goodness.....I could wrap this thing around my front and THATS it!  I'm talking if I walked down the hall in this towel, everyone would see BOTH cheeks!  If you didn't know, it may be a full moon tonight baby!

I wonder if he'll want to learn to play an instrument like Hot Mama?  That would be totally cool if he did, I have always wanted to learn how to play something, but like Phil Collins sings, "I can't dance, I can't sing" and I can't play an instrument either.  What's that first diaper change going to be like?  I have already been told, I've got the honors...this reminds me of playing golf for the first time with someone...you don't want to hit first, because you want to see the other person hit first to see how they are.....HAAA  Good one honey!!  Oh wait, its the blood pressure machine pumping up, oops...Yeah, cleaning the first diaper is not necesarily a type of "honor" I want to have....am I remembering that they go through about 100 in a week?  GEEZE!  Who wants to open up a diaper factory???  Talk about job security! 

I wonder what time Jr is gonna pop out tomorrow?  I'm really looking forward to meeting him!  I hope he grows up to be a loving person like his Mama!  In our church service today our pastor called us up to pray for us and asked members to come pray around us if they wanted.  2 of the people that came to us was a friend of ours son (age 10ish) and little girl (age 6ish)  They both came up to us and his boy looked up at me and grabbed mine and Hot Mama's hand to pray with us.  I'll never forget that moment at the church and I'll never forget those 2 kids coming up in love and praying for us, and I hope my soon to be son will grow up with that kind of love for people.   Fist bump to you S. & C. M. for how you've brought up your kiddos...I request pointers one of these days soon!

I wonder if I'll be a good dad?  One thing's for sure, I feel blessed that I had a good dad.  I don't think that he ever (unless I am forgetting the few times) put me off or did things to keep me out of his life.  As a restaurant owner, he was still able to make quality time with me!  When I was in high school, I was BIG TIME into baseball!  So much that we even had a batting cage in the back yard.  One thing dad did, was put up a light on the batting cage so we could have batting practice at night!  I'm sure at the time he totally regretting doing that!  As that restaurant owner I remember him coming home late at night, and I mean 9-10 pm.  I'd have that light on some nights waiting on him to throw me some batting practice, and not ONCE did he ever not do it.  I remember him telling me that some nights he'd be driving home thinking, "I hope he doesn't have the light on, cause I'm whooped." and BAM, drove up the driveway and there shined that light!  HA!  I'll never forget that dad, and I hope that I'll be the same way with my son and never deny him any time that I can spend with him.  I Love you for it and many other reasons and cherish our relationship.

I wonder if I'm really stupid for being up this late (11:30) when I know the game starts at 5:30 tomorrow morning....nahhhhh, it's all good!  Alot of questions answered tomorrow and I'm increadibly pumped about it!  Bring on Jr!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Binkys and Boppys and Boosters, Oh My!

(Jeopardy theme)

Our first category, Baby items that Start with the letter "B".  For $200, Use this for comfortable breast feedings....(buzzzzzz), "What is a Boppy pillow?"  ding ding ding, "Correct!"

Have you stopped to think about how many baby items start with the letter "B"?  There's Bibs, Bottles, Blankets, Bassinets, Burp Cloths, Bedding, Bathtubs, Boppy's, Binky's, Bumbo, Bouncers, Boosters, and Baskets.  Come on Marketing people!!  There's more letter's in the alphabet than B!  What in the WORLD is a Binky anyways?  I have a few stories about our quest for the perfect baby items.  (I think Hot Mama is getting me back for the times I make her wait at Bass Pro when I'm trying to decide on Green Pumkin with the Red flake or Watermelon seed Strike King tubes or lizards...I mean the most subtle difference in color could be the difference in no fish or a 9 pounder...this is serious stuff!)

We were off to JC Penny one beautiful Saturday morning to buy bedding for the normal bed that we are keeping in the baby's room and some drapes for the winder.  I just love it when you go to the store and I really don't want to be there and try to get help from an associate who also...doesn't want to be there!  Hot Mama and I are looking for a plain blue bedspread...I know you are thinking Piece of CAKE, right?  Nah uh...WRONG!  I find an associate walking down the aisle of the bedding area in Penny's and ask, "hey, can you tell me where I can find a solid blue bedspread or the like?"  Without even stopping, she walks right on by us (throws her hand up in the air in a brush us off kinda way) and says, "You gots to buy them solid colors offline".....she never turned around to even look at us.  Hot Mama and I just stared at each other in utter shock!  Did that just happen?  She didn't even ask me if I wanted fries with that?  Not to mention I am totally confused at how you buy something offline?  I'm assuming she meant "off the internet."  Meanwhile, as Hot Mama is wanting to meet with the store manager, I recommend going to Dillards, they surely have some solid color bed spreads! 

Walking over to Dillards Hot Mama hands me the lime green and pink bag that we brought to carry the baby bedding so we can match the color to the bed spread we were hoping to buy.  We get over to the bedding section at Dillards and Hot Mama goes to looking around, and I wander off to find an associate to help.  I come across one of the associates and he was a, shall I say, feminine guy.  Remember the lime green and pink bag we had....yep, I was still carrying it.  The associate looks at the bag, looks back up at me, smiles really big, and asks, "How can I help you?"  "Yeah, my wife and I are looking for a solid blue bedspread, whatcha got?"  Meanwhile Hot Mama comes on over by me and starts being more specific about what we were looking for.  This guy bent over backwards....wait, maybe I should say, this guy was VERY helpful in looking for what we wanted, but again we came up short....strike 2!  I think this associate said it best, "It's hard to find solid colors any more in the stores because they are always so 'matchy matchy' with everything...you pick out a bedspread and you can get 'matchy matchy' with the towels and the sheets and lawd, even the dishes are 'matchy matchy.'"  Here Hot Mama and I are again, looking at each other, wondering if we should laugh, or what....so we just decided to head on to Belk.  Kudos to you Mr. Dillards associate for going out of your way to help us find what we were looking for....by the way, do you know the chick at Penny's?  You should give her some pointers!

Off to Belk we go!  After no help, we find a blanket that worked, so we bought it and split....dropped back by Penny's found the drapes we had already picked out and walked ALL the way around the store to find someone to check us out.  By this time, lets just get this crap and get outta here....ever felt that way?  I am glad that no one walked by that had a Manager badge on....I think Hot Mama may have gone "pregnant" on them!

By the way, my advice, don't go shopping for something specific...ya ain't gonna find it!

A couple weekends before we were out looking for that baby bedding and let me tell ya, there is NO such thing as a perfect baby bedding!  I would say I liked something and Hot Mama didn't like the colors....She'd say she liked something and I'd say I didn't like the pattern....it took about 3 times of this happening for me to get smart and when she found something she liked, I said, "Honey, that looks great!" with a big smile on my face, because ultimately, it didn't matter to me what it was....I went from being somewhat picky to as long as it ain't pink....We had an associate there come to help us with our big decision of the baby bedding.  It was obvious to me at this point that if it wasn't perfect, the world may stop spinning, so I was in total agreement mode!  This associate goes into telling us we can do "custom" bedding and get it exactly as we want it!  WOOHOO (insert angelic ahhhhhhhh sound)  So, we are both smart enough to know that the $100-$200 baby bedding sets we were looking at were going to be more expensive if we went custom, but we were not prepared for the $800 quote she gave us.  That's the fastest I had seen Hot Mama get up outta her chair in a while!  HA  $800....seriously?  I'm sure people pay that for baby stuff and if you did, I am not condemning you, but lawd...Eight Hundred Smackers?  Believe it or not, this ended our day shopping for the baby bedding...

We found something "offline" on BabiesRUs for well under the $800 mark...and she's happy!  I love it when Hot Mama is happy and I love to admit, she's that way 99.9% of the time!  (I'll leave out the part where we ordered 3 different set before we got one we liked...but we were making a statement!  Honey, What was that statement again?)

I have to take a moment to talk her up really high now, because several weeks earlier she had done the most loving thing a pregnant woman could ever do to a man that really doesn't want to do the baby shopping thing....she told me that she and her sister were going to go register at the baby registries and I could take that day and go fishing if I wanted.  Man, I love that woman!  I was really dreading doing that registry thing!  Great thing is, we always do that for each other and that has made our relationship top notch.  I truly believe if each spouse puts the other ahead of themselves, and really does that, marriage is just that much easier.  Now throw this new baby in the mix...(insert whistling of a bomb and explosion).  Yeahhhhh I guess we'll have to make a few adjustments, right, all you parents out there? 

Another moment for all of you that have been so generous to help us with the Bibs, Bottles, Blankets, Bassinets, Burp Cloths, Bedding, Bathtubs, Boppy's, Binky's, Bumbo, Bouncers, Boosters, and Baskets for the baby, it is truly appreciated and I hope we can return the gift to you in some way, and I promise it won't be dirty diapers!  Thanks to all my friends!

Friday, February 25, 2011

The growth "fruits" of a baby

I'm sure that ALL dads-to-be have wondered, "If I compare the size of my baby in Hot Mama's oven to a fruit, I wonder what it would be?"  We've all done it right?  I don't think so....and neither did I, BUT, unbeknownst to me, Hot Mama signed up for weekly pregnancy emails (http://www.babycenter.com/) to update us on the progress of the baby AND it compares the baby to a fruit, seed or veggie and sometimes even a crustacean.  I have to admit, some Monday's I've been at the office and BAM it hits me, <gasp> "It's Monday!  Time to see what Jr is the size of this week!"

Here it is....starting at week 4:

Week 4, the size of a poppy seed.  Already we're off to a bad start, if you eat poppy seeds and have a drug test...BAM, you failed and got fired....not cool, Jr got fired right off the bat.

Week 5, the size of a sesame seed.  "2 All beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun."  Getting better...love me some burga's!

Week 6, the size of a lentil.  Normally I wouldn't know what this was, but Hot Mama looooves to experiment with recipes, most good, a few bad....so we got this chicken thighs and lentil recipe (its like a little bean)  She thought it was a great recipe'...until she found out what they do to me...she X'd that recipe' off the list due to unpleasing aroma.

Week 7, the size of a blueberry.  Blueberries are good, lots of antioxidants!

Week 8, the size of a kidney bean.  Can you say chili!  woowooo.

Week 9, the size of a grape. "Your baby has grown to the size of a grape, weighs a fraction of an ounce, and is almost 1 inch long."  That's kinda cool huh? 

Week 10, the size of a kumquat.  REALLY?  A whaaa?  I am offended that this site would size my baby up as a kumquat....SURELY there's a better comparison?  What is that anyways?

Week 11, the size of a fig.  Better than a kumquat, at least I know what a fig is.

Week 12, the size of a lime.  Ah ha!  I know of several good uses for a lime!  I wonder if the baby was ever that color green?  Where's the salt???

Week 13, the size of a medium shrimp.  "Let's see, you got shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, shrimp kabobs, fried shrimp, boiled shrimp....." From the famous philosopher, Bubba Gump himself

Week 14, the size of a lemon.  So, I guess a lemon is bigger than a lime?  Probably a "sour" subject b/t these 2 citruses....

Week 15, the size of an apple.  A kumquat?  I'm still not over that....I'm officially changing that to a small plum....THERE, now I feel better!

Week 16, the size of an avocado.  Arrrriba!  At least we went from lime green to dark green....I've heard the first diaper is going to look like mushy black avocado...Guacamole will never be the same...

Week 17, the size of a turnip.  We have now gone to roots....by the way, the baby is around 5 ounces.

Week 18, the size of a bell pepper.  I love me some bell pepper, specially on pizza!

Week 19, the size of an heirloom tomato.  I'm not passing down my baby, so let's not compare Jr. to a passed down mater....capiche?

Week 20, the length of a banana.  So, 3 weeks ago Jr. was 5 ounces, now he's 10 inches long?  WOW!

Week 21, the length of a carrot.  Cool, we've got a rabbit on our mural in the baby's room...did you know that carrots help develop eyes and vision? 

Week 22, the size of a spaghetti squash.  You'd think this veggie would be slender, but alas, it is oblong and quite big around...whoever named it "spaghetti" squash, doesn't eat the same sketti as muah....

Week 23, the size of a large Mango.  I've gotta throw in that I LOVE me some Buffalo Wild Wings Mango Habarnero sauce...the first bite it tastes soooo sweet and yummy, them a few seconds later BAM, mouth is afire....great sensation....

Week 24, the size of an Ear of Corn.   Jr. is up to about 1.25 pounds now!  Unreal!  You know you can use canned kernel corn as bream or trout fishing bait....I'm all about the fishing!  Speaking of fishing, I've got maybe 3 weeks left to get some good fishing in.

Week 25, the size of a rutabaga.  Aiight, I have heard of one of these thangs, but I have no idea what it is, but the name rutabaga does sound kinda sexy.  In my mysterious voice..."Hey Hot Mama, can you pass me some rutabaga?"

Week 26, the size of a English Hothouse Cucumber.  What can't they just say cucumber?  Well, I guess at 14 inches and almost 2 pounds, they gotta be specific!  That's one big pickle!  <singing> "Wheeeere is my hairbrush?"

Week 27, the size of a Head of Cauliflower.  No color, no flavor, I would have maybe picked grapefruit for this week, but they didn't ask me....

Week 28, the size of Chinese Cabbage.  If you used Chinese Cabbage in coleslaw, would it then be Chinese Coleslaw?  Oh , and an FYI....China is the #1 English speaking country in the world....crazy huh?

Week 29, the size of a Butternut Squash.  Ok, story telling time....Hot Mama is very health conscious, and a couple weeks before this week came up, she was craving a recipe for a stew that included butternut squash and was talking about how it's so nutritious!  Butternut squash this, butternut squash that......well, the night we started making the butternut squash recipe, there was NO butternut squash in the fridge....yep, she forgot it at the grocery store that week...but, we made the recipe' anyways, without the butternut squash!  At the end of the meal, I looked over at her, put my hand on her shoulder and with the straightest face I could muster, I said, "Honey, this is the BEST butternut squash soup, I've EVER had."  Now that's true love....

Week 30, the size of a Cabbage.  Ahh, normal coleslaw, where's my fried catfish, fries and hush puppies?

Week 31, weighs as much as 4 navel oranges.  This baby is starting to pack on the weight!

Week 32, weighs as much as a large jicama.  That's about 3.75 pounds just in case you didn't know what a jicama is....you do know right? 

Week 33, weighs as much as a pineapple.  Tropical again!  This is one of my favorite fruits...catch these things in season and fresh....<slappin' my momma>

Week 34, weighs as much as a cantaloupe.  Uh oh, you know you are getting close when they describe your baby as a melon!

Week 35, weighs as much as a honeydew.  Speaking of honey"dos", since Hot Mama is getting bigger and has a harder time moving around, I end up graciously doing more things around the house.  But she has this habit of instead of asking me to do one thing, she ends up speaking in lists of about 5-6 at a time!  "Honey, can you clean the bathroom, and honey can you cook supper, and honey, can you ...(Insert Charlie Brown teacher voice here, b/c I'm lost)"

Week 36, is the size of a Crenshaw Melon.  Not quite sure what a Crenshaw melon is either, but I know most of you probably googled a jicama...was it like a potato or some kinda spud?  Oh yeah, up to about 6 pounds by the way....(this is what week we are on now, but I'll go ahead and tell you the last few to not keep you hangin'....that's the way I roll)

Week 37, as long as a stalk of swiss chard.  Some type of lettuce that's about 19 inches long!

Week 38, as long as a leek.  This is Alexander on Veggie Tales if y'all have ever seen that?

Week 39, we are up to the weight of a mini watermelon.  A watermelon is definitely one of the best things in the world, Smith County Watermelons are thebomb.com

Week 40, the GRAND Finale'....the size of a small pumpkin.  In Childbirthing class, D told us that 14 pounds was the biggest baby they've delivered.....Fourt.......een......pounds!  All the women in the class were groaning....."Not me!"  HA

Ok, so we went from Poppy Seed to a Pumpkin...from a spice to a jack-o-lantern...cool stuff.  My biggest complaint is there was no week dedicated to the Okra.  The Okra may not have been on here, but it will never be forgotten!  Go Fighting OKRA!