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Thursday, September 8, 2011

"Your Life will never be the same" Defined

Yeah, so when Hot Mamma was pregnant with Junior, I bet there was literally hundreds of people that said, "Your life will never be the same!"  BUT, they don't say how it's going to change....I am usually a very positive person so I totally took this as positive comment, however, I would like to share the reality of this statement with a few short stories and comments (of course none of this is negative, but some gets you shaky):

Your life will never be the same means...

1. Diaper changing (or avoiding them) becomes a full time job. 
So, what do you do when Junior hasn't pooped for a couple, three days?....first of all you get scared, Hot Mamma thinks something is wrong with the baby, and me, I'm thinking, I hope I don't have to change THAT diaper....So, as a preemptive strike, I came up with a game for me and Hot Mamma called Diaper Roulette!  It's simple...the person that is holding or playing with Junior at the time he poops, changes the diaper!  Brilliant eh?  I am quite proud of myself...not so much for the game, but because Hot Mamma agreed to it, (and I knew that the odds were she would have him during the poops more so than me....I'm gonna get back at her for all these cons she puts on me!  ;-).  Well, it took her losing the first 4 diaper roulette games and she got smart....then the superior con artist came out in her again when she brought Junior to me and said, "Here, go change his diaper while I change out the laundry."  So I take Junior, and booyah....poopy I yelled out, "It's a poopy!"  and I hear Hot Mamma laughing....then she winks and says, "I know...."  HAHA  I love that woman....and she continually proves how much smarter she is than me....

2.  Schedule?  What schedule?
It doesn't matter what kinda schedule you have ain't gonna be da same!  Yeah, Big Daddy here used to be a night owl and stay up until 12:00ish at  nah uh...8 o'clock rolls around and Big Daddy's lookin' for the pillows!  Yeah, I used to get up bout 7:45 since my office opens at 8:30....well now I'm up at 6:00-6:30.....I ask myself why do I go to bed 3-4 hours earlier when I only get up an hour and a half earlier?  Hot Mamma can answer that...."it's because it helps offset Mr. Grumpiness!"  Remember this soon to be parents...there is only 1 schedule and that's your baby's schedule!  Hot Mamma, who is a super "needs a schedule" person, read that Baby Wise book....well, it didn't work for us!  Her schedule is whatever schedule Junior wants. 

I've got a buddy who's wife is pregnant with twins and he is a huge basketball fan/player....I'm talking this dude plays more basketball than some people sleep I think (that's probably stretching it...a little) and he was telling me how he's still gonna play basketball in the mornings before work....I just died out laughing..."yeah right!"  I can't wait for him to find out for himself....sheesh, 1 baby is tough, and they gonna have TWO!  Praying for ya brotha!  ;-)

3.  Staying at home with a sick baby is harder than manual labor....
Stayed at home with Junior today until Hot Mamma got home from work at lunch....this ranks as one of the longest 5 hours I have ever gone through in my LIFE!  Junior was pitiful because he had a double ear infection and I'm happy that it's the only sickness he's had, but boy it wears you out!  First of all, that little stinker only napped a blazing fast 30 minutes (seemed like 2) and he didn't want to eat and he was just like his daddy and grumpy in the morning.  He was wanting to be held basically the whole time he was awake (4.5 hours) and my black t-shirt proves it....there was snot and slobber spots ALL over that shirt!  HA  Did I mention I was ready for bed at noon?

4. Emotional roller coaster! of the good rides ;-)
I've never gone from being so frustrated to forgetting why I was frustrated in the first place.  Junior will be acting like his Momma ;-) and being stubborn about eating, or sleeping and it will just get you to the point of wondering how day care workers can handle it....then Junior will just smile at you really big and poof..."why was I upset?"

5. What did you say?
You have no idea what you are saying this I mean me and Hot Mamma will say some of the craziest things...."Will you go get the gas can?"  Meant to say, go get the gas drops.  My personal favorite is when my mom got me some athletic socks for Father's Day kinda as a gag gift.....thanks mom BTW....Well  they were an off brand and a little small so I said I was going to give them away because I was a "snock sob"....(yeah, that shoulda been "sock snob")  I wished I could remember some of the other things we've said...I do remember one while Hot Mamma was pregnant, but she made me swear to never repeat it!  ;-)

6.  The best part of my world not being the same...
There's nothing and I mean NOTHING better than when you've been gone all day and come home and Junior is so excited to see you he smiles his biggest smile, starts squealing and just goes into spasms of excitement....if I could bottle that feeling up and sell it, I would be a billionaire....drugs can't do that....alcohol can't do that....catching a huge fish or killing a trophy animal can't do when people told me that I'll experience a love I've never imagined...I now know what they meant.

7. You have no time to write this blog.....
I have been shocked at how many people read this, and I'm glad you do!  Some have been fussing at me a bit wondering when I was gonna post again...I promise I'll get back to it regularly....I think....

To sum all this up, my world isn't the same, and I've had to make A LOT of adjustments, but they all been worth it because the change has totally been for the better!

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