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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Junior's First Birthday

WOW What a day!  First off, Junior was so excited that he was out of the goose egg that he woke up at 5 a.m......and decided to not go back to sleep...After trying to feed him, Hot Momma gave up and brought him to bed with us where he usually goes right back to sleep after a few snuggles....nope....after 10 minutes of tossing and turning and an occasional hysterical giggle, Junior stepped it up a notch and started doing some squealing and whining, which I'd like to translate for you..."It's my birthday and y'all need to wake up, get outta bed, make me some scrambled eggs and play with me until we leave to go take pictures at 8:00."  Let me tell ya, we heard that LOUD and clear!  As I get up I say, "Coffee honey?"  to which I get a big YES! 

We finally get Junior calmed down and he was starting to get tired before the 30 minute trip to the photographer studio for the 1 year pics.  Hot Momma was living up to her name and got me in a suit....yeah, this was some serious photos!  When we get there he gets all sweet and photogenic as usual and we take our family pics first, then, the photographer gets out her for some pics with Junior.  She asked Hot Momma if the bunnies would scare Junior. about a fearless kid....we got one!  The photographer put the 2 bunnies in a basket with a lid and we showed Junior how to open it and he did.  Several times he'd open and close kinda like he was playing peek-a-boo with the bunnies....then, he left the lid open for enough time for them to peek out....he slammed the lid back down on them......yep, time to get them outta that basket!  After that, she put them in an open basket with a handle and Junior started petting on them, pulling their hair and trying to eat it, and then, this was the best one...Junior grabbed one of the bunnies by both ears and lifted it up off the ground......that ended the bunny portion of the session....that poor bunny was crawling away with its back legs shivering it was so traumatized!

To end the session, the photographer had a cupcake with icing for some pics ...what a brilliant idea!  We stripped the kiddo down into nothing but his diaper and sat him down in front of the cupcake.  Of course he immediately shoved his hands in the icing and was playing with it, but he wasn't eating it.  So Hot Momma scooped up a bit of icing to feed him and almost instantly after he ate some, he spit it back out and threw up!  Oh lawd!  He didn't like that icing!  He got sooooo upset and was crying pretty badly and even bent over at the waist and put his face in the icing, which made him even more upset....thus ended the photo session.  We got him cleaned up and headed back to the house and he calmed down.

After work, we had over Pawpaw, Mawmaw D, and GG for the unofficial birthday get together and supper.  Junior had a great time opening up his gifts and ripping up the paper.  He also went around and gave his fair share of sugar!  Now what I mean by this is he'll put his lips on your cheek and's the funniest thing!  Imagine when you put your lips on skin and blow to make that pooting sound....that's what Junior does to your face....for kisses!  ;-)  We'll say, "Give Pawpaw sugar" and he'll pucker up, place them lips on pawpaw's cheek and.....blows....making that pooting sound...we all laugh after he does it....pretty funny!

All in all, even though he ended his photo shoot with an unhappy ending, it was a great first birthday for Junior.....can't wait for the "official" party this Saturday!  Well....except for maybe the part where he eats his cake and icing....<getting nervous about that>.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

364 Days Into the Journey

My GOSH....1st birthday eve, and all I can think about is, what happened?  Didn't I used to like to fish?  It sure was nice not getting up at 5:00 am every morning!  Time sure has flown by, as many of you already know.  The biggest thing that sticks out in my mind for the year is how much Junior has changed!  There were mornings where I thought he looked different from the night before.  It's so much fun and cool and very weird at the same time.

Seems like the Good Lord planned out Junior's birthday perfect's probably going to fall on spring break week every year!  Not to mention it's Pi Day and Hot Momma is a math teacher.  So far Junior is saying "momma" "Dada" "Uh Oh" "Wow" "No" and his definite favorite, "Ball"  He's definitely from the south because he pronounces it "Bawl"  HA! Oh and he's walking already! Seems like it's nothing for him to walk...he walks around the house for fun.

One of the things I'll never forget this past year is baby proofing the house.  Oh my...I do believe I used my share or wordy dirds while I was doing that!  It seems simple, right?  Put that double sided sticky tape on the bottom of the latch piece and stick it to the door.  Yeah, whatever engineer thought of that was a pure genius....there's not enough surface on that latch piece to stick!  So what happens?  It doesn't stay stuck on the cabinet door...however, (picture a light bulb over my head) I was able to figure out how to get it to stick for a minute or 2 on about my second to last cabinet of 30....yeah, victory can still come with some choice words, and I'm glad Hot Momma wasn't in the house when I was doing all this.

Was the sticky thing the only problem you ask?  Well let me answer that fer ya....negative!  Picture this, I'm holding the piece in place, with one hand, having the screw driver and sometimes power screwdriver in the other hand with the screw...You have to apply pressure to a door that moves and is unstable to tap the screw in the wood, but somehow the pressure you apply is not perfect and you slam the screwdriver on the cabinet door while the screw goes shooting across the floor so Junior can find and eat....brilliant!  So, let's recap, we're trying to use a rounded tool (screwdriver) on a rounded screw, and squarely drill the screw in the cabinet...I will confess that this was epic frustration to me!  Reminded me of've got a round ball and a round bat and you try to hit it square...makes sense, right? 

Hot Mamma had it easy, she helped me install the electrical outlet plug protectors....that took a total of 5 minutes.....ppffftttt.  The cabinets took literally HOURS and I am still suffering from it....BY THE WAY....tip for all you new parents out there, DO NOT wait to baby proof your home, before you know it, boom, the baby is crawling and then BAM, walking, and poof, they are getting into everything.

One thing that was so funny to me and Hot Mamma was that Junior LOVES getting into our fireplace insert that has the small rocks for looks.  We were thinking about what we were going to have to buy to keep him outta there and for the interim, we had moved our chairs in front so he couldn't get to it, but he always found a way.  Meanwhile, we visited a friend of ours that has some kiddos and I noticed their fireplace had no rocks in it, and (light bulb going off over head) I turned to Hot Mamma and said, "Look, they took the rocks out of their fireplace."  She looked at me and we both had this feeling of, "now why didn't we think of that?"  It's amazing what you can learn from other fokes if you pay attention to details.  Thanks JH & DH for tipping us off on that great idea!  BTW, the Dyson ball vacuum cleaner won't die if you use it to suck up rocks, and that thing is worth every penny!  ;-)

I'm really looking forward to Junior's birthday party this weekend and watching him get his face all smeared in cake and icing, gonna be totally priceless seeing that!  So here I am at the end of the first year and I went back to reread what I had written the night before Junior was born "Anxiety Sets In."  Still a lot of things unanswered about Junior so far, but Papaw [my dad] says he's smart, athletic AND good lookin' which I like to pick on dad and say, "Yeah, there's so few of us."  LOL  Poor kid, looks like he's got my toes too, but even big toes are cute on a baby, right?  It's amazing to me how you can be so frustrated with your child for not sleeping or eating, but then he'll look up and smile and laugh and even say "dada" or "momma!"  Geeze, how can you get mad about that?  I Love that stinker and am looking forward to many more years of QT with him!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Long awaited update

Well, I have to start off by apologizing to my faithful followers....all 8 of y'all....that I haven't posted in quite some time.  To get back in the swing of things, and since SOOOOOoooo much has gone on, I wanted to just share a few of my favorite stories that have happened at various times.

On our last trip up to Arkansas, Hot Mamma, Junior and I were visiting some friends and eating at probably the most famous pizza joint west of the Mississip....Larry's Pizza!  Hot Mamma's friends are always picking on me about moving to Ark (where Hot Mamma is from) and they even gave Junior a t-shirt with the school name on it where Hot Mamma used to work.  They have lots of fun with me and that's OK, I love 'em all!  Even if they don't wear shoes anywhere but to go outside to potty....
;-)  So, after enjoying eating double my weight in pizza (this place is wonderful), I head over to sit by Junior and Hot Mamma and I started smelling that smell...oh yeah, the poopy diaper smell.  So, ya know, sometimes they are just "tooty toots" and stink a little, so I decided to stick my finger in the back of his diaper and pull it out to check. I didn't even have to look because the sight on my finger told it all....I guess it happens to all parents right?  Uuuggghhhhh....being the awesome husband I am ;-), I let Hot Mamma continue to visit while I changed the diaper.  I ended up going outside to the car because there was nowhere to lay Junior down in the bathroom.  I get out to the car and start wrestling Junior to get him undressed and he just won't stop rolling over and twisting....I finally get his butt all clean and he stands up in the back seat and is holding himself up on the seat.  Thank God for leather seats and thank God for that new t-shirt Junior got!  He looked at me and started giggling.....and peed all over the back seat and on that new t-shirt he got.  HA  I figured, well, he's peed on it already, so I used the shirt to wipe up the rest of the pee before I used the wipes.  What a proper fate for this new t-shirt!  ;-)

In previous posts, I have mentioned going to the grocery store while Hot Mamma is taking care of Junior....and no, I don't carry a man's a satchel.  ;-)  On one of the most memorable Friday nights to Wal-Mart, Hot Mamma had me going to the make-up section to get her some make-up.  She showed me exactly what to get and the color and problem.....until I get to that aisle....There were about 7 women on that aisle, aaaaaannnnnd.....ME...of course they weren't going to let me by without speaking, so the first lady (insert sassy voice here), "Hey honey.... need me to help ya pick out yore cuuuula?"  Me, "haha, no ma'am, my wife told me exactly what to get, but thanks!"  The next lady, "Ohhhh he's out buying make-up for his wife!"....The next lady starts singing that Salt n Pepa song 'What a man what a man what a man, what a mighty good man."  2 other ladies hit the chorus, "Mighty mighty good man".  By this time I have finally found the item I needed to get and proceeded to walk around to the next aisle laughing a little thinking....this has GOT to go in my blog!  One of the ladies, "My goodness, yall shouldn't have done that....embarrassed that boy like that."  That boy?  That boyyyy?  hmmmm, since they could still hear me, I decided to speak up and get the last word in...."Yall ain't embarrassing me, I've bought worse things than makeup!"

I'd like to counsel all  y'all out there that are dating to add this question to your dating repertoire..."How well did you sleep as a baby?"  This is THE most important question you can ask your honey before you get married.  Take Hot Momma for instance...We recently found out that she didn't sleep that well as a baby.  Matter fact, her dad told her recently that he sometimes put whiskey on her gums!  HA!  Hot Mamma said, "Daddy!  You never told me you did that!"  He replied, "Ya gotta do what you gotta do..."  So, it seems like Hot Mamma is getting payback for being such a bad sleeper as a baby....and guess who is reaping those "rewards" with her?  Yeah...Big Daddy!  So, all you dating foke out there...ask that question!  You'll be glad you did....

I've had so much fun with Junior so far!  He's a hugger and loves to give you sugar...meaning put his lips on your cheek and blow!  HA   He has learned to say "Ma ma"...first word and also "uh oh" and even "ball"...every now and then he'll say "da da" or "da doo", but its rare.....I have seen him say "ma ma" over and over for several we know who his favorite is!  But that's OK, cuz Hot Mamma ain't gonna take him fishin'!  ;-)  Today is his 11 month birthday and he's already walking!  We had tubes put in about a month ago and that has totally helped with his sleeping and ear infections.  We are very blessed to have such a great baby and his natural progression of things is coming along very good...I'm a proud daddy.  I'm gonna try and do better on my bloggin'...time goes by so fast!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Baby food is not so simple....for a daddy

One of the things Hot Mamma and I used to look forward to is Friday night Date Night!  We would go out to eat, usually Mexican, and then go grocery shopping and get our groceries for the week.  Now that Junior has arrived, our Friday night Date Night has become basically nonexistent, and I usually go to the grocery store while Hot Momma stays home and takes care of Junior.  The problem with this is Hot Mamma assumed I knew what I was doing in buying baby food!  Ok, those of you that don't know (I sure didn't) there are 1st foods, 2nd foods and 3rd foods.  I had no idea there was such a thing! Now I'm always looking for the cheaper way out and I happen to notice that in the baby food aisle there was basically the same food, but in bigger containers, and for the same price!  Heck, that's a no the one with the more food, for the same price, right? So....I never payed any attention to the little bitty teeny weeny "1st" or "2nd" foods on the corner of the box....I was paying attention to green beans, peaches, squash, etc. Yeah, I get home and got coached up on that......apparently it's a portion size/thickness thing.  Hot Mamma now knows that she needs to coach me up BEFORE I go to the grocery store....I do want to take a moment and fess up about one trip to the grocery store....Hot Mamma usually makes out the list and I go by that list....I get back from a trip and here's the conversation:  Hot Mamma, "Honey, where's the baby food?"  Me: "What baby food?"  HM: "You really didn't get any baby food?"  Me: "It wasn't on the list!?"  HM: "Honey, seriously, is that something I NEED to put on the list?"  Me: (knowing I had no out)  "Well, wasn't on the list...."  Yeah...that happened....guess who went back to the grocery store?

Anyways, so if I thought getting Junior's food was an adventure, actually feeding him is when the real fun begins.  It's amazing how Junior will sometimes eat up his solid food and sometimes we get more on his face than in his mouth. We pretty much can't get him on an eating schedule, he'll eat great sometimes and sometimes he'll close them lips together so tight where you'd need the jaws of life to open his mouth up! HA! I love that little stinker though, even if he is a little frustrating on the eating part.

Side note here....I was telling my dad about going to the grocery store.  He didn't believe that I did actually go to the grocery store, so he says, "You're kidding me right?"  "Naw, dad, I go."  Dad: "I'm not sure I'd be telling anyone that!"  HA....he was also shocked that I was in the room during delivery.  How times have changed huh? 

Sometimes I think that Hot Mamma intentionally puts something funky on the list so I have to search and search and search for it (because you know I won't ask unless I've become exhausted in looking).  One night recently I was on the soup aisle looking for the lipton onion soup mix and it was NOWHERE to be found....I was starting to believe that Wal-Mart doesn't carry Lipton Onion soup mix!  So, I called Hot Mamma and asked, "Where is the Lipton onion soup mix?"   "On the soup aisle," she said.  Gee....thanks for that honey...I've only been walking up and down the soup aisle for 10 minutes looking for this!  So, a lady that was on the same aisle heard my conversation and was laughing at me and she also said it should be on this aisle....we both looked again with a fine toothed lipton onion soup solution, it ain't here!  10 minutes later, that same lady found me and took me back to it....guess what?  It was on the soup aisle.

Hot Mamma had Lysol on the list one night, and I swear it was sold out.  To this day she doesn't believe me on that one!

In addition to 1st, 2nd and 3rd foods....let me tell you about Gerber's "easy pour" system on their baby cereal boxes....HA....that couldn't be any further from the truth!  I mean, seeing a box that says, "easy pour" should give you the confidence that its actually easy to pour, right?  Yeah....not so much!  For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, this box has its own little pouring tab that you pull down at the top and side of the box.  So here's how it works....have you ever had a glass of iced tea and it's down to the last sip and you slam back your glass to get that last drink.....then all the ice falls and slams down on your face?  Yeah, the cereal box works the same try to get the "easy pour" going and sometimes it will come on out easily, but other times half the box will decide to come on out all at once.  One tip....don't try to pour into a tablespoon measuring spoon, the cereal will go everywhere....literally, everywhere.  I've recently just had to wing it by pouring directly into the bowl....and due to the "easy pour" system, some of Junior's breakfasts and dinners are a little...shall I say, thicker than others.  I am wondering how the older boxes poured if they weren't "easy pour?"
I'm glad Hot Mamma does most of the mixing and pouring because Big Daddy has gotten close to throwing the "easy pour" box in the trash!

So, here's what we need....we need a baby cereal box that actually IS easy to friggin pour.  We also need a cell phone app that you can type what you are looking for in the grocery store and then, tells you where it is!  I hear that new iphone 4GS has that new SIRI program that answers a lot of questions....maybe it will help us locate items in the grocery store one of these days?

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Now "hear" this!

Ait, here's the scenario....It's Friday and we are going to head outta town for a three-day weekend.  Junior had been a little lethargic Thursday and after picking him up from the babysitter early Friday before our trip I found out that he hadn't eaten ANYTHING the whole morning at the babysitters.  Then they told me that their kids sometimes would show no symptoms, but have a double ear infection and their ear drums were about to burst!  HA!  That's NOT what you tell a new parent!  What I heard was, "he ain't eatin' and he was not himself, and his ear drums are about to burst, you better go NOW to the Dr!" 

SO Big Daddy makes the executive decision to call the nurse at the Dr's office and long story short, she said, won't hurt to bring him in just in case, so I set an appt at 12:30.  Hot Mamma calls me on the way home from her job and I give her the scoop and say, Dr. Appt at 12:30....he's not dying....actually he shows no signs of anything wrong other than the babysitter said he's probably got a double ear infection and his ears are about to burst!  "Meet ya there," she said.

Ok, Big Daddy ain't no doctor, but I know that when Big Daddy ain't eatin', somethin' ain't right, so obviously I figured the same for father like son...that's totally logical, right?  Look it up on WebMD, I'm sure it's there....

So, we got there and pretty much go right in, no temp, lungs sound good, weight is good, just not eating good....Dr. checks out them ears and.....nothing....she did actually clean out enough ear wax I think I coulda made a candle, but no infection  (that ear wax was absolutely NASSY btw)  Bleh!....The really great part (not) is the Doc was just as bubbly as she usually is, until she found out that Caleb was basically perfect with a little wax in his ears...and then we got the "so you're gonna be one of THOSE parents" look...I think the temperature actually got 10 degrees warmer in there instantly and I felt a neon light flashing on my forehead that said <insert alert alarm sound> "Overprotective Parent ALERT". 

When we go to check out, the clerk says, "Nothing wrong, that's good!"  But I could hear it in her voice and I leaned over to Hot Mamma and whispered, "We're labeled now, we're we need to find another Dr?"  She did have the marital courtesy to wait until we got outside and said, "Honey, just talk to me before you set an appt with the Dr."  She didn't really say that, but I knew she wanted to!  HA  She actually said, "Well, better safe than sorry and we are going out of town."

So we spend the 3-day weekend with Hot Momma's family, and Junior is just as happy and as cute as can be.  Then Tuesday morning comes.  Junior is fussy, and I mean throwing a fit, fussy.  Hot Momma and I go through the checklist: dirty diaper...needs gas drops...hungry?  He eventually calms down and we figure he's just got his schedule messed up after the long weekend so we head off to work and take Junior to the babysitter for the morning.  Then the babysitter calls me about 11:00 and says, "Junior's got 102 fever and rising, come get him!"  This time I let Hot Mamma make the decision to call the doc (just in case ya know).  Turns out Junior had a double ear infection. 

This definitely made me feel better about going to the Doc on Friday...OBVIOUSLY Junior was GETTING sick, but not far enough along to get checked out as believe that, right?  I'm just thankful he's 6 months old (today actually) and he's only been sick once.  Happy 6 month Birthday, squirt!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

"Your Life will never be the same" Defined

Yeah, so when Hot Mamma was pregnant with Junior, I bet there was literally hundreds of people that said, "Your life will never be the same!"  BUT, they don't say how it's going to change....I am usually a very positive person so I totally took this as positive comment, however, I would like to share the reality of this statement with a few short stories and comments (of course none of this is negative, but some gets you shaky):

Your life will never be the same means...

1. Diaper changing (or avoiding them) becomes a full time job. 
So, what do you do when Junior hasn't pooped for a couple, three days?....first of all you get scared, Hot Mamma thinks something is wrong with the baby, and me, I'm thinking, I hope I don't have to change THAT diaper....So, as a preemptive strike, I came up with a game for me and Hot Mamma called Diaper Roulette!  It's simple...the person that is holding or playing with Junior at the time he poops, changes the diaper!  Brilliant eh?  I am quite proud of myself...not so much for the game, but because Hot Mamma agreed to it, (and I knew that the odds were she would have him during the poops more so than me....I'm gonna get back at her for all these cons she puts on me!  ;-).  Well, it took her losing the first 4 diaper roulette games and she got smart....then the superior con artist came out in her again when she brought Junior to me and said, "Here, go change his diaper while I change out the laundry."  So I take Junior, and booyah....poopy I yelled out, "It's a poopy!"  and I hear Hot Mamma laughing....then she winks and says, "I know...."  HAHA  I love that woman....and she continually proves how much smarter she is than me....

2.  Schedule?  What schedule?
It doesn't matter what kinda schedule you have ain't gonna be da same!  Yeah, Big Daddy here used to be a night owl and stay up until 12:00ish at  nah uh...8 o'clock rolls around and Big Daddy's lookin' for the pillows!  Yeah, I used to get up bout 7:45 since my office opens at 8:30....well now I'm up at 6:00-6:30.....I ask myself why do I go to bed 3-4 hours earlier when I only get up an hour and a half earlier?  Hot Mamma can answer that...."it's because it helps offset Mr. Grumpiness!"  Remember this soon to be parents...there is only 1 schedule and that's your baby's schedule!  Hot Mamma, who is a super "needs a schedule" person, read that Baby Wise book....well, it didn't work for us!  Her schedule is whatever schedule Junior wants. 

I've got a buddy who's wife is pregnant with twins and he is a huge basketball fan/player....I'm talking this dude plays more basketball than some people sleep I think (that's probably stretching it...a little) and he was telling me how he's still gonna play basketball in the mornings before work....I just died out laughing..."yeah right!"  I can't wait for him to find out for himself....sheesh, 1 baby is tough, and they gonna have TWO!  Praying for ya brotha!  ;-)

3.  Staying at home with a sick baby is harder than manual labor....
Stayed at home with Junior today until Hot Mamma got home from work at lunch....this ranks as one of the longest 5 hours I have ever gone through in my LIFE!  Junior was pitiful because he had a double ear infection and I'm happy that it's the only sickness he's had, but boy it wears you out!  First of all, that little stinker only napped a blazing fast 30 minutes (seemed like 2) and he didn't want to eat and he was just like his daddy and grumpy in the morning.  He was wanting to be held basically the whole time he was awake (4.5 hours) and my black t-shirt proves it....there was snot and slobber spots ALL over that shirt!  HA  Did I mention I was ready for bed at noon?

4. Emotional roller coaster! of the good rides ;-)
I've never gone from being so frustrated to forgetting why I was frustrated in the first place.  Junior will be acting like his Momma ;-) and being stubborn about eating, or sleeping and it will just get you to the point of wondering how day care workers can handle it....then Junior will just smile at you really big and poof..."why was I upset?"

5. What did you say?
You have no idea what you are saying this I mean me and Hot Mamma will say some of the craziest things...."Will you go get the gas can?"  Meant to say, go get the gas drops.  My personal favorite is when my mom got me some athletic socks for Father's Day kinda as a gag gift.....thanks mom BTW....Well  they were an off brand and a little small so I said I was going to give them away because I was a "snock sob"....(yeah, that shoulda been "sock snob")  I wished I could remember some of the other things we've said...I do remember one while Hot Mamma was pregnant, but she made me swear to never repeat it!  ;-)

6.  The best part of my world not being the same...
There's nothing and I mean NOTHING better than when you've been gone all day and come home and Junior is so excited to see you he smiles his biggest smile, starts squealing and just goes into spasms of excitement....if I could bottle that feeling up and sell it, I would be a billionaire....drugs can't do that....alcohol can't do that....catching a huge fish or killing a trophy animal can't do when people told me that I'll experience a love I've never imagined...I now know what they meant.

7. You have no time to write this blog.....
I have been shocked at how many people read this, and I'm glad you do!  Some have been fussing at me a bit wondering when I was gonna post again...I promise I'll get back to it regularly....I think....

To sum all this up, my world isn't the same, and I've had to make A LOT of adjustments, but they all been worth it because the change has totally been for the better!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Nursery Rhymes....what are they thinking?

I'm sure I had listened to nursery rhymes as a kid, and I know I've listened to them as an adult, but I SURE didn't think about paying attention to the words until we were blessed with Junior.  My question is...What in the world are we letting our kids listen to?!?!?  Obviously people didn't think POSITIVE nursery rhymes would be the ticket, so we got some negative and even graphic rhymes....are you kidding me?

Here are a few examples with commentary to prove my case:

London Bridge:

London Bridge is falling down,
Falling down, Falling down.
London Bridge is falling down,
My fair lady.
Take a key and lock her up,
Lock her up, Lock her up.
Take a key and lock her up,
My fair lady.

Ok, so not THAT bad, I don't guess, but why do we have to sing about a bridge falling down?  To the rhymes credit it goes on by building the bridge back, but what really gets me is the "take the key and lock her up" line here...I know we are all smart enough to know "her" is the bridge....or is it?  And do the kids know this rhyme means the bridge?  Or are they gonna lock mommy up somewhere one of these days?  Just sayin'...

Three Blind Mice:

Three blind mice, three blind mice,
See how they run, see how they run,
They all ran after the farmer's wife,
Who cut off their tails with a carving knife
Did you ever see such a thing in your life,
As three blind mice?

Wow!  Running after the farmers wife and cutting off tails....sounds like a good life lesson to me, eh?  Seems like we are teaching torcher methods to our kids....

This was a rhyme based on Queen Mary I, so called "Bloody Mary" eh?  Read about it here.

Humpty Dumpty:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses, And all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again

Now that's a serious fall!  I'm gonna avoid this one to avoid that question, "Daddy, if I fell off the wall, would you put me back together again?"  My reply today would be, "No son, but Obamacare will even if the wall  had a preexisting defect."

Rock a Bye Baby:

Rock a bye baby on the tree top,
When the wind blows the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.

Ok, really....lets try to put our kid to sleep by singing to him how his cradle is gonna fall outta the tree while he's sleeping...Come to find out, the injuns really used to do that to put the babies to sleep....HA, I thought the baby mile was tough, can you imagine climbing up in a tree and making sure that cradle was set just right?  And what did they do when there was no wind? about it here.

Goosey Goosey Gander:

Goosey Goosey Gander where shall I wander,
Upstairs, downstairs and in my lady's chamber
There I met an old man who wouldn't say his prayers,
I took him by the left leg and threw him down the stairs.

So, we are teaching our child that if old men don't say their prayers we should take them by the left leg...not the right...and chunk em down the stairs?  Hot Mamma had the nursery rhyme CD going in the house one day and I walked by and heard, "take him by the leg leg and throw him down the stairs!"  I stopped and looked at her funny..."What did they just say?"  Hot Mamma, "I don't know" (pressing the back button)  After listening again, Hot Mamma, "Wow, maybe we need to skip that one."  Me, "Maybe we need to throw out this CD if its gonna teach Junior to chunk people down the stairs!"  HA

This rhyme came from the 16th century where Catholic priests would hide (wander), but if caught, they were executed.  Nice...Check that story out here.

Ring Around the Rosey:

Ring around the rosy
A pocketful of posies
"Ashes, Ashes"
We all fall down!

This one doesn't sound all that bad, but the ashes part got me wondering where this came from....yeah, it's about the plague....let's sing about the plague, doesn't that sound fun!  If interested, read the origination of this one here.

Jack and Jill:

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and lost his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.
Up got Jack, and home did trot
As fast as he could caper
He went to bed and bound his head
With vinegar and brown paper

Mostly sounds like bad luck, eh?  Then after research I found out the meaning of "losing his crown" meant the King got beheaded and then the Queen (Jill) right after...The History

In closing,some of the TOP nursery rhymes are talking about falling bridges, cutting off tails with a carving knife, falling off walls and not being able to be put back together again, falling outta the tree while sleepin', throwin' an old man down the stairs by his left (not right) leg because he didn't say his prayers, singing about the plague, and be-headings.  I mean, what more could a kid need to have to go to a psychiatrist?  I didn't even talk about the Old Lady and the Shoe....she had so many kids, she didn't know what to do, so she starved them and put them to bed.....I mean, pump me up! 
Whats YOUR favorite nursery rhyme? 
I bet most of you are going to check the history of your favorite rhyme on the site just to make sure it's cool.....It's ok...I did and those sites linked above has alot on there.
I think I'm gonna stick to my favorite....Jesus Loves Me....enjoy below!  ;-)