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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

"There And Back Again, A Baby's Tale" Juniors first road trip

At 3 months old, Hot Mamma decides that Junior is up for a 5 hour road trip!  Doesn't this sound like fun?  Come to find out, she's just wanting to show him off at her mom's side family reunion...."besides, she said, we'll probably get the youngest person there prize!"  I'm thinking, yeah, that's a GREAT reason to drive 10 hours round trip!  Big Daddy is nervous and for you Lord of the Rings fans (who probably caught my cool and catchy title), thus starts "The Fellowship of the Baby."

Come to find out, Junior is a VERY good traveller....might as well call him Magellan!  ;-)  He slept 90% of the way and the other 10% he ate or was just awake and talking to Hot Mamma.  "The Two Stops" before our final destination was to see Granddaddy and Grandmother (Hot Mamma's parents) and then to visit Hot Mamma's friends....well, they're my friends too, by default right?  Everyone just loved on Junior so much he was in "Hog" Heaven (seemed like an appropriate remark since we were in Arkansas) 

Found out a couple of things on this trip.  One, Junior is absolutely able to sleep through anything, and I mean ANYTHING....until, he met his cousin.  His cousin is 3 years old and his expression of emotion, whether happy, mad, excited, whatever....is to squeal.  I'm talking the kinda squeal that makes you go...WOW!  The kinda squeal that is louder than the reverb on a microphone on the speaker system....the kinda squeal that will wake up junior who is sleeping in a meeting room full of people and make him start crying.  Yes, that happened....Junior is asleep at Hot Mamma's family reunion in a room full of people talking and on the OTHER side of the room, his cousin lets out his signature squeal and Junior pops them eyes open and starts crying....I'm telling ya, its unbelievable the decibel level this kid can achieve.  Good thing there were plastic cups around cuz I think glass ones wouldn't have a chance! 

"The Return of the Baby" was just as uneventful as the "Fellowship" and "Two Stops"...until we stopped at Wendy's about 50 minutes from home.  We walked inside and Hot Mamma had a bottle out and was feeding him at a table while I ordered.  I get the food and go sit across from Hot Mamma and as I took the first bite of my chicken sammich, I hear a short yet pronounced, "Kaaawhoom!"  Then I felt a little splatter on my leg.  Nope, I'm not kidding.....I looked at Junior and he's just as peaceful as can be and STILL eating....I look at Hot Mamma and her mouth is wide open and she immediately says, "Big Daddy, get a stack of napkins, this is bad....this is VERY bad!"  By the time I got back (literally seconds) there was a yellow stream of poop running down her leg into her shoe.  So I start to wiping and realizing I didn't get enough napkins.  I've talked about rating poops by the amount of wipes used....well there was no number amount I can place on this one, so lets just say it was an "investment" of wipes.  Lawd....I'm on my knees...under the table....at Wendy's....wiping poop off Hot Mamma....."Happy Anniversary Honey" I said...then I look over at a table where there were 3-4 older couples that had obviously just came from church watching me under the table.  I don't know what they were thinking, but the look on thier faces was telling me, "That boy needs Jesus!"  So I gave them a thumbs up and they looked away. 

After using an "investment" of Wendy's wipes, Hot Mamma takes Junior out to the car to change him.  I'm literally sitting at the table laughing out loud and already working on how I'm putting THIS story in the blog!  HA  The amazing thing is Hot Mamma comes back in and there is not a TRACE of poop on her clothes...unreal.  I have heard of projectile vometing before, but never projectile poopin'....matter fact, I'm coining a new term....since it literally sounded like a cannon, I'm calling it a cannon poop.  About fifteen minutes into the final stretch, I finally bring up the thought, "Honey, how far do you think that would have went if he didn't have a diaper AND a onezee on to slow it down?"

I'm ready for the next trip!

Did I mention I caught my first ever White Bass on this trip?  Stoked!

Monday, June 20, 2011

First Fathers Day!

Wow, I would have never thought how much it means to be a daddy on Father's Day!  Junior woke up 3 times last night so we didn't make it to our church so I could get my Hershey bar, but hey, Big Daddy didn't need it anyways....we did get to go to my dad's church though, which was his request for a Father's Day gift...thing is, he knew we'd bring Junior and truth be known, my pop probably didn't care so much me being there as Junior...but that's OK!  He's a proud Paw paw!

In light of it being fathers day, I thought it would be appropriate for me to give my top 5 reasons for being a daddy so far and top 5 ways to know there is a baby in the house...so here goes!

Top 5 being a daddy:

5.  I've got a good excuse for not doing the housework....playing golf, or going fishing were never good excuses, even though I used em, but now..."honey, I need to spend some time and play with the baby"  (Hot Mamma thinks that's sweet I want to spend time with him...well, until she reads this blog anyways... ;-)

4.  I have so much fun just watching him move around and change...it's amazing to watch him change almost daily!  My favorite thing is when he tooty toots.....several times in a row, and then gets this cheesy grin on his face...can't help but stick out my chest a little when he does that!  ;-)

3.  Having a conversation with him...I can sometimes just talk to him about anything and he'll coo and slurrr and gurgle back at me....sometimes for 10 minutes or more at a time....his favorite is when I tell him about the state record bass that I haven't caught yet...

2.  Playing with him....he is such a happy baby and loves to use his hands and feet (mostly feet) to play with his toy thingies.  That stinker can't crawl yet, but he is doing an awesome job just standing up. (We'll hold him up for support, but he will pretty much support himself with some ziggin' and some zaggin'.)  I'm predicting he'll skip crawling and go right into walking....hmmmm, maybe?

1.  Seeing him look up at me in the eyes and just start grinnin' from ear to ear....that's the best thing ever!  Big Daddy is a proud Poppa!

Top 5 ways to know a baby is in the house:

5.  There's stuffed animals or toys handy in EVERY room in the house. 

4.  My mom calls and asks, "How's my baby?"  And she ain't talking about me.  The first time she called and asked me that, I said, "I'm good, what you up to?"  She laughed and said, "You're not the baby anymore, and I'm glad your OK, but how's my new baby?"  HA

3.  Hot Mamma and I have discussions about which diaper cream smells the best?  Seriously....I'm talking in depth convo's.  "Hey Honey, this Boodreaux's Butt Paste sure does have a pleasing smell to it, do you like it better than the A&D or Desitin?"  My reply, "Boodreaux's has definitely got the coolest name, but I'm addicted to the A&D Ointment smell."

2.  Whenever you bump into something you hear electronic classical music going off.  I know that the classical music helps a baby's brain develop, but have they done any studies on what it does to the parents???  Junior will be asleep in the other room and Hot Mamma will hit one of them things a couple times accidentally...Me, with my police impersonation, "Ma'am, put your hands on your head and back away from the toy."

And the Number 1 reason  you know there is a baby in the house IS.....On a daily basis, me and Hot Mamma will talk about the quantity, color, and consistency of the baby's poop.  We have gotten to the point of whoever changes the diaper will hold up a certain amount of fingers representing how many wipes we used to clean the poopy diaper....so we rate how big the poop was by the number of wipes....1 wipe is a skid mark or small poop, 2 wipes is a goodun' and 3+ wipes is a all out blowout.  So far only once has Hot Mamma had to bathe him after a poop. 

One thing that is truly amazing to me is color.....If Hot Mamma drinks or eats anything purple (grape juice for example), and she's feeding him white milk, and he poops it out green....wrap that one around your noggin' and explain to me how that works?

When I told my dad (Paw paw) about the daily poop conversation, he laughed and said you will have the same conversation when you're 65 too....ahhhh the circle of life....you DO still have that Long Term Care policy, right dad?  One butt is enough to wipe....

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Babies R Us and Bass Pro Shop - A Tale of Two Stores

If you were wondering, shopping for baby stuff is NOT on the top of my list of things to do ANY day, much less a Saturday, but Hot Mamma promised me a trip to the Bass Pro, so I got conned.....yet again...

Now I normally don't like chastising any companies publicly, but why not....I've got 5 whole followers to this blog, so I'm sure I can make a difference!  ;-)  Hot Momma and I had been putting off getting an extra car seat base for my truck simply because we always go in Hot Mamma's ride...but we've been moving the base over to my truck a couple times recently so we decided to get it!  I researched online for the base and Babies R Us had one in stock, AND I found a 20% off coupon from Babies R Us that said, "For baby gear, including, car seats, bassinets, strollers, etc etc." Sweet! Hot Momma loves a good deal. So we go get our base (for the car seat) and take it up to the register and the clerk said, "Sir, I'm sorry, this coupon won't work for the base."  I looked at her funny and said, "Why not?"  She said, "It's not a baby gear item."  I said, "Car seats are specifically on the list."  Her response is great...ready?  "Sir, this is completely separate from a car seat and it's not a car seat."  Seriously?  I kinda stood there looking at her for a bit and I think I actually said, "Seriously?"  I know I did say, "Isn't this splitting hairs?"  I turned and looked behind us and there was 4 people standing in line so I opted out of, "get me a manager".  I wished I would have thought to ask, "So, if I go buy the car seat that has the base in the box, would I get 20% off?" I"m pretty sure that answer would have been yes! grrrrr  The knockout punch was when she gave us the receipt she also gave us...are you ready for this... a 20% off coupon for ANYTHING in the store good for the next week!!!  Seriously?

So that was the first stop on our Saturday excursion.  On Sunday, we went to visit one of Junior's new girlfriends...a cutie pie baby girl of some friends of ours.  We told them about our Babies R Us misadventure and I must say, this other momma had an even better story to tell.  She said,  "You know that 10% off coupon for all items remaining on your baby registry they send you?  Well, I went to pick up several things on the registry and went to check out and the clerk told me that I had to buy ALL of the remaining items on the registry to get the 10% off!"  HA!  I am starting to see how this company does business!  She then tells us she calls Babies R Us to complain and ask about it and they simply told her, "no you don't have to buy all to get the 10% off" but they didn't offer to remedy the fact that she bought the stuff and didn't get the discount!  Well, at least they're consistent. 

So, Big Daddy and Hot Mamma will NOT be buying anything from there....ever.

Next stop on our Saturday excursion was to my personal favorite, Bass Pro Shops!  Woohoo!  From hunting to fishing to clothes and even some camo lingerie....my kinda store!  ;-)  Hot Mamma and I had talked about getting a gun safe when we had Junior for obvious reasons and BPS had them on sale until Father's Day, so we decided to take advantage of it!  Got to the store and they had exactly the one we wanted in stock, the floor model and one more still boxed up, so I said, "we'll take it!"  Paid for it and drove around to the side to pick it up.  The sales guy meets me at the door and says, "hey man, I'm sorry, we didn't have the one in the stock room, do you want the floor model?"  I said, "sure".  It was in good shape from my brief memory of looking at it in the store.  I go to tell Hot Mamma and she immediately says, "floor model discount!"  HA!  I never even thought about that....She's definitely the brains of our family operation.

Here's the overwhelming difference between the Babies R Us and the Bass Pro service...They brought the floor model down and I asked the sales guy, "So, you gonna give me a floor discount on this one?  Looks like its get a few scratches."  The stock guy said, "I can call a manager down here for ya, you want me to do that?"  I said,"Sure".  Within minutes a manager was down there and I asked him about a floor discount and showed him the scratches and he said, "How bout 10%?"  Done!  Loaded it up and walked back inside and they put 10% back on the card.....maybe Babies R Us could get a few tips from the Bass Pro guys.