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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

"There And Back Again, A Baby's Tale" Juniors first road trip

At 3 months old, Hot Mamma decides that Junior is up for a 5 hour road trip!  Doesn't this sound like fun?  Come to find out, she's just wanting to show him off at her mom's side family reunion...."besides, she said, we'll probably get the youngest person there prize!"  I'm thinking, yeah, that's a GREAT reason to drive 10 hours round trip!  Big Daddy is nervous and for you Lord of the Rings fans (who probably caught my cool and catchy title), thus starts "The Fellowship of the Baby."

Come to find out, Junior is a VERY good traveller....might as well call him Magellan!  ;-)  He slept 90% of the way and the other 10% he ate or was just awake and talking to Hot Mamma.  "The Two Stops" before our final destination was to see Granddaddy and Grandmother (Hot Mamma's parents) and then to visit Hot Mamma's friends....well, they're my friends too, by default right?  Everyone just loved on Junior so much he was in "Hog" Heaven (seemed like an appropriate remark since we were in Arkansas) 

Found out a couple of things on this trip.  One, Junior is absolutely able to sleep through anything, and I mean ANYTHING....until, he met his cousin.  His cousin is 3 years old and his expression of emotion, whether happy, mad, excited, whatever....is to squeal.  I'm talking the kinda squeal that makes you go...WOW!  The kinda squeal that is louder than the reverb on a microphone on the speaker system....the kinda squeal that will wake up junior who is sleeping in a meeting room full of people and make him start crying.  Yes, that happened....Junior is asleep at Hot Mamma's family reunion in a room full of people talking and on the OTHER side of the room, his cousin lets out his signature squeal and Junior pops them eyes open and starts crying....I'm telling ya, its unbelievable the decibel level this kid can achieve.  Good thing there were plastic cups around cuz I think glass ones wouldn't have a chance! 

"The Return of the Baby" was just as uneventful as the "Fellowship" and "Two Stops"...until we stopped at Wendy's about 50 minutes from home.  We walked inside and Hot Mamma had a bottle out and was feeding him at a table while I ordered.  I get the food and go sit across from Hot Mamma and as I took the first bite of my chicken sammich, I hear a short yet pronounced, "Kaaawhoom!"  Then I felt a little splatter on my leg.  Nope, I'm not kidding.....I looked at Junior and he's just as peaceful as can be and STILL eating....I look at Hot Mamma and her mouth is wide open and she immediately says, "Big Daddy, get a stack of napkins, this is bad....this is VERY bad!"  By the time I got back (literally seconds) there was a yellow stream of poop running down her leg into her shoe.  So I start to wiping and realizing I didn't get enough napkins.  I've talked about rating poops by the amount of wipes used....well there was no number amount I can place on this one, so lets just say it was an "investment" of wipes.  Lawd....I'm on my knees...under the table....at Wendy's....wiping poop off Hot Mamma....."Happy Anniversary Honey" I said...then I look over at a table where there were 3-4 older couples that had obviously just came from church watching me under the table.  I don't know what they were thinking, but the look on thier faces was telling me, "That boy needs Jesus!"  So I gave them a thumbs up and they looked away. 

After using an "investment" of Wendy's wipes, Hot Mamma takes Junior out to the car to change him.  I'm literally sitting at the table laughing out loud and already working on how I'm putting THIS story in the blog!  HA  The amazing thing is Hot Mamma comes back in and there is not a TRACE of poop on her clothes...unreal.  I have heard of projectile vometing before, but never projectile poopin'....matter fact, I'm coining a new term....since it literally sounded like a cannon, I'm calling it a cannon poop.  About fifteen minutes into the final stretch, I finally bring up the thought, "Honey, how far do you think that would have went if he didn't have a diaper AND a onezee on to slow it down?"

I'm ready for the next trip!

Did I mention I caught my first ever White Bass on this trip?  Stoked!

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