Sunday, March 13, 2011

Anxiety sets in

After the monthly countdown, came the weekly, then daily, then hourly, and holy schmoly....imminent! 

I can't help but wonder where the last 9 months went....I really can't think of a time I was really seriously thinking I was having a baby, but now that we're at the hospital, checked in, nurses checking up on Hot Mama, I am really starting to realize...this is happening, like...tomorrow!  The best way to describe this is going to a store and picking out something you really want, and putting it on layaway...You kinda know that you are going to have it, but you have to wait for a while before you get it, and you basically let it slip your mind and then BOOM, here it is!  Really the only difference is it's like a present and you really don't know anything about him till he pops out!  So, after 9 months of layaway, here I am, ready to open my present!

After all the Doctors and nurses have come in and done their thing, the only light I see is a monitor with the baby's heart rate and Hot Mama's contractions.  Earlier she was having them once every 4 minutes or so, but now that she's asleep, they've pretty much gone away.  Anxiety has never really had much of a meaning until now!  What in the world have I been thinking about all this time?  Not about the baby!  But now, the immenence has gotten me to thinking about everything!  Is he going to look like me, or Hot Mama? (lets all hope more like Hot Mama)  I wonder how tall he's going to be?  Brown eyes or blue?  Is he going to want to fish with daddy?  Will he be smart?  I hope he doesn't have really big, big toes like me...for real, my big toes are the biggest ugliest thing you ever saw...If it wasn't for my big toe, I bet my shoe size would go down 2 sizes....Will he be an outdoorsman?  Is he going to be an athlete?  What about being a Doctor, or a CEO of a big company?  Only time will tell on these things, but to tell you the truth, the one and only thing I hope and pray for is he gets his salvation and grows to know Jesus and our Lord God.  None of that other stuff really matters to me because I know I'll love him no matter what!  It won't matter to me if he likes sports, or fishing, or what color eyes he has, or if he is a successful person, and if he does things wrong...well it's obvious, he took after Hot Mama!   ;-)  Oh cool the monitor just showed another contraction....

I have to tell ya, this I.V. thingy sure does make some loud clicking noises!  Hot Mama just woke up and said, "You've got to get that thing to stop!"  I thought about chunking it up against the wall, but that probably wouldn't help, eh?  Did I mention that everyone warned me about this bed...but it's worse than I imagined!  First off, I don't think this thing should be considered a bed, more like...maybe a piece of plywood with metal rods going across at my shoulders and bootay!  Geeze!  Wait....I'm not complaining, Hot Mama is about to go through some serious pain, and I'm complaining about the bed...and thank God for some great nurses!  One of them brought me in some extra pillows and an egg crate, so its better...more like a piece of plywood with metal rods going across at my shoulders and boootay, with a small piece of egg crate on top...sounds ALOT better eh? HA!  Oh my gosh, I took a shower earlier so I wouldn't have to tomorrow early before its nitty gritty time (Nurse starts doing some thangs at 5:30 and the Doctor is coming in at 7:00).  The dang shower head had the hose where you could move it around, but the piece where you could hang it on the wall was broken!  HAHA...No problem, still took a shower, but then I picked up the towel to dry off could wrap this thing around my front and THATS it!  I'm talking if I walked down the hall in this towel, everyone would see BOTH cheeks!  If you didn't know, it may be a full moon tonight baby!

I wonder if he'll want to learn to play an instrument like Hot Mama?  That would be totally cool if he did, I have always wanted to learn how to play something, but like Phil Collins sings, "I can't dance, I can't sing" and I can't play an instrument either.  What's that first diaper change going to be like?  I have already been told, I've got the honors...this reminds me of playing golf for the first time with don't want to hit first, because you want to see the other person hit first to see how they are.....HAAA  Good one honey!!  Oh wait, its the blood pressure machine pumping up, oops...Yeah, cleaning the first diaper is not necesarily a type of "honor" I want to I remembering that they go through about 100 in a week?  GEEZE!  Who wants to open up a diaper factory???  Talk about job security! 

I wonder what time Jr is gonna pop out tomorrow?  I'm really looking forward to meeting him!  I hope he grows up to be a loving person like his Mama!  In our church service today our pastor called us up to pray for us and asked members to come pray around us if they wanted.  2 of the people that came to us was a friend of ours son (age 10ish) and little girl (age 6ish)  They both came up to us and his boy looked up at me and grabbed mine and Hot Mama's hand to pray with us.  I'll never forget that moment at the church and I'll never forget those 2 kids coming up in love and praying for us, and I hope my soon to be son will grow up with that kind of love for people.   Fist bump to you S. & C. M. for how you've brought up your kiddos...I request pointers one of these days soon!

I wonder if I'll be a good dad?  One thing's for sure, I feel blessed that I had a good dad.  I don't think that he ever (unless I am forgetting the few times) put me off or did things to keep me out of his life.  As a restaurant owner, he was still able to make quality time with me!  When I was in high school, I was BIG TIME into baseball!  So much that we even had a batting cage in the back yard.  One thing dad did, was put up a light on the batting cage so we could have batting practice at night!  I'm sure at the time he totally regretting doing that!  As that restaurant owner I remember him coming home late at night, and I mean 9-10 pm.  I'd have that light on some nights waiting on him to throw me some batting practice, and not ONCE did he ever not do it.  I remember him telling me that some nights he'd be driving home thinking, "I hope he doesn't have the light on, cause I'm whooped." and BAM, drove up the driveway and there shined that light!  HA!  I'll never forget that dad, and I hope that I'll be the same way with my son and never deny him any time that I can spend with him.  I Love you for it and many other reasons and cherish our relationship.

I wonder if I'm really stupid for being up this late (11:30) when I know the game starts at 5:30 tomorrow morning....nahhhhh, it's all good!  Alot of questions answered tomorrow and I'm increadibly pumped about it!  Bring on Jr!

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