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Sunday, February 13, 2011

Baby University...Seriously?

After Hot Mama's first sonogram, we went to the see the doctor in what I thought was going to be a normal routine visit.  Everything went smoothly until the doctor slipped over to Hot Mama a list of baby classes.  I knew I was in trouble once I saw it, but I fo sho wasn't going to bring them up until Hot Mama did....

Sho nuff, we didn't even make it to the elevator before she was clapping her hands in excitement about the classes!  "Look honey, we've got all kinds of options for the classes!"  She then looks at me in her (I know you are going to hate doing this face, and uses her I know you don't want to do this but you're going to voice) and says, "Our first baby classes will be fun to go through together!"  In my bestest happy/excited face and most sarcastic voice I could muster, I said, "These classes will be so much fun!"  I was actually thinking, "Are you kidding me? This hospital has a baby university?....are we even pregnant?...I need a drink."  She tried to make me feel a little better by saying, "Honey, they won't be too bad, plus we get to learn how to breathe and basically get a brief having a baby rundown."  Learn how to breathe??  Seriously??  Whats wrong with the way we breathe now?  I immediately remembered the Bill Cosby routine of his wife having a baby and the breathing they did and I kept thinking to myself, I haven't put much thought into this baby thing...(if you can find the BIll Cosby routine somewhere, you should listen, quite hilarious!)....

We get to the house and immediately Hot Mama wants to sit down and schedule our classes!  Up first, breastfeeding class, (insert a sound of car screeching to a halt) "Honey, I love you, I support you in your BF for the baby, I think it's important, but I don't think that's a class I need to go to!"  Couldn't she have at least waited until the 3rd or 4th class to bring up the BF??  I'm usually a dive right on in kinda guy, but sheesh, I ain't even wanting to stick my toe in the water for these classes and BAM, she starts with BF class!!  She finally told me when we go, if there aren't any more guys there, I can leave and go to Bass Pro Shop....as Bob Boyte Honda says, "DEAL!"  See, thats what makes a great marriage work, she knows how to bribe me...I Love that woman!  ;-)

Next is the baby CPR class....that seems like it should be ok...probably need to know how to do this anyways, right?  Then comes the birthing class!  Now this one is the big mamba jamma.  This is where we learn to breathe and get a heads up of how having a baby works.  (And I thought it was as simple as go to the hospital, pop that baby out and head back to the house)  Yeah yeah, I really was ignorant about it, but hey, I was blocking out everything to do with a baby in my life, and to be honest, I was still in shock that we were pregnant after 2 weeks.  Then we signed up for the car seat class and the tour of the hospital.  These seemed like they should be ok....safety first right?  I guess I should know where to take Hot Mama when the oven "dings".

Sleeping that night I remember waking up in a cold sweat after being in BF class with noone but about 30 women....worst nightmare I've ever had...

Hopefully these classes will be educational and fun right???  BF class next post!

1 comment:

  1. Man, I guess I dodged a bullet when you were born. The nurse said your head was blue because the umbilical cord got wrapped around your neck. Could have been one of the earliest hangings in history.....

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